Kim's Favorite Cousin

5 Essential Rules For Compiling A Year End Top 10 Music List

2011-12-27T21:55:00.001-05:00

It’s that time of year again; It’s time to trot out our end of year "Best of” lists. On the surface they appear to be a carefully constructed and meticulous analysis of the year in music. In truth they are really just thinly veiled attempts to show friends and readers just how smart, cool, and underground you really are.

This is a difficult process, because you're being shallow in the process of trying to prove your depth. There are dozens of rules that you can follow when compiling a “Top Albums or Songs” list. However, you don't want to get too complicated in the process and risk getting everything wrong. So here are 5 essential rules I follow when compiling any "Best of" music lists.

1. Make sure to scatter throughout the list a handful of obscure bands that most of the people reading will have never heard of before. If you know the people reading your list then try to choose a few bands they may have heard of, but don’t really listen to. Don't get too crazy here especially if you know your readers. They will see right through you if you put the Drive By Truckers or Blackie & The Rodeo Kings ahead of Wilco or The Decemberists.

2. Try to include at least one mainstream song/album that was really popular so you don’t appear too out of touch with the masses. You have to do this to get your readers to put aside the notion that you are trying to show how much cooler than them you are.(Even though that is exactly what you are doing!). Be careful though, you don’t want to rank it higher than 7 or 8 (17th or 18th on a top 20) and appear to be selling out.

3. Find out which acclaimed album T-Bone Burnett was responsible for. You can leave it off the list and play it safe. However, if you do choose to put it on the list you have to be cautious. You don't want to place it too high and appear to be trying to be cool. You want to look like you ARE cool. Your problem here is that T-Bone Burnett is sort of cool, but a little too accepted by the mainstream. You don't want to put his album any higher than #10 or #9. This decision could make or break your reputation for years to come. This is a precarious spot to be in so only go with T-Bone if you're really confident you can pull this off.

4. Try to have one African-American artist (or "black artist" if you prefer) if at all possible. Darius Rucker doesn’t count here. You have to use someone who has a bit of an edge to them. Don't take it too far and pick somebody like Lil' Wayne. That's too much of an edge and will mark you as a fake. (You are a fake, but you are trying to show everyone you aren't.)

5. Conspicuously leave a critically acclaimed album by a well known artist off of your list. Be sure to mention in the introduction that the album just barely missed being included or that it was one of the more disappointing albums of the year. You especially need to do this if you place the T-Bone Burnett album on the list. This will balance the reader's view of your cool factor by showing you aren't afraid to go against the critics and might boost your credibility as a cool and smart music listener.

Hopefully this will help you during this most important week of the year. Happy listing!

REVIEW: The Muppets

2011-11-25T05:35:00.001-05:00

Early in the new movie The Muppets Kermit the Frog sets out to find all his former cohorts and put them together again for a show to raise money and save their old theater. His first stop takes him to Reno, Nevada, where he finds Fozzie Bear performing in a sleezy bar. Fozzie isn't alone; he's actually performing in a band of grungy Muppet doppelgangers known as "The Moopets." They are supposed to be a Muppet tribute band, but really they, and Fozzie, are barely a shadow of the real Muppets. Fozzie is just hanging on trying to cash in on his past for as long as he can.

While I don't think the Muppets are quite to that point here in the real world, the above scenario is similar to what I think this Muppet movie really is. There has been talk of it as a reboot of the Muppet franchise and with the critical and box office success it has garnered you be a fool to think they won't be trotting out more Muppet movies, t.v. shows, and merchandise. It is called show BUSINESS don't you know? However to me this movie feels less like a reboot and more like a tribute; a nostalgic reflection on how things once were.

Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzie and the gang all look the same and sort of sound the same. A lot of the jokes and sentiments sort of feel like the classic Muppets from the 70's and early 80's, but really, to me anyway, they feel more like an homage to the real thing. Without Jim Henson and Frank Oz, the banter between Kermit and Piggy feels like two people doing an impression of Kermit and Piggy. It's not just the voices either. Jim and Frank had a close real life relationship and admiration that lent a feeling to their Muppet counterparts that just isn't there anymore.

Lest you think I'm just a sour puss who hated this movie and is trying spoil the fun I have to say that I did like The Muppets. It hits the bull's eye a lot and I genuinely laughed loudly four or five times throughout. The bulk of the movie feels like "Jason Segel (featuring the Muppets)" as we get to know Gary and his Muppet brother Walter. The first section featuring them before they meet the rest of the Muppets is actually the strongest part of the movie. There's a fun song and dance number and lots of nostalgic, fuzzy feelings for the old days of Muppet glory that had me a little misty eyed.

Then the Muppets themselves begin to filter into the story and things go well for a while. There are some good gags involving each of the Muppets as they are quickly gathered up in a montage sequence that is suggested by my favorite new character "80's Robot." There's more dewey eyed sentiment as they get back to their old theater and then it goes off the rails a bit.

The middle section of the movie is my least favorite part as the Gary and Mary (Amy Adams) subplot (and a little bit of pandering) starts to get in the way. They drag out the obligatory nod to 80's pop music by playing Starship's "We Built This City" over another montage of the Muppets cleaning and reassembling their theater. There's a misfire as the Villain, Mr. Richman (Chris Cooper) performs a short rap song about how the Muppets are washed up and don't belong here in the cynical 21st century. Then Amy Adams and Miss Piggy perform and unnecessary and forgettable "duet." There are also some ill advised "star" cameos as well. (Sarah Silverman? Really?)

The final act is the Muppet Telethon itself which is nice if not entirely memorable. There's some funny stuff with Jack Black and a gallery of "celebrities" answering the telephones.Then they jump back on the nostalgia train and have Kermit sing "Rainbow Connection" backed by all the Muppets. This is supposed to be the "tears of joy" moment, but it doesn't really work. The first time it was magical, but this time it feels forced. ("Hey gang! Remember this song! You should start crying now!") Then an obligatory feel good finale closes the movie.

They did a nice job and I did mostly enjoy the movie. There will be more Muppets which is fine I suppose though I'd rather this be their "one shot" reunion. A nice pleasant nod to the past and ride into the sunset is what I would like, but I know that's not how this will end.

Special

2011-06-30T07:20:00.003-04:00

From the early 1970's until the late 1980's CBS used this as their "Special Presentation" bumper.

If you were a child during this time and you saw this on the screen you knew one thing. Something awesome was about to happen.

It meant you were about to settle in for an hour of special television. It wasn't the daily syndicated after school shows like "The Brady Bunch" or "Gilligan's Island." This was exactly what it purported to be. Special. Once a year or maybe even once a childhood. There were no DVR's back then and VCR's weren't a regular feature of most homes until 1983 or 1984. You couldn't delay your viewing until the next day or when you had more time. You had to watch it right then or wait until the next time. It was an event. And you could bet that most of your friends were watching too.

It was especially relevant and exciting around the Holidays. Probably a Peanuts special like "The Great Pumpkin" or "A Charlie Brown Christmas." Or "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." Whatever it was it had all your attention, because if you missed even a second you couldn't rewind it. It would be another whole year before you could catch it again.

It also meant there would be lots of commercials for stuff that we all loved, but knew was absolutely horrible for you; Dolly Madison snacks, McDonalds, Peter Paul Cadbury, and scads of other sugar loaded treats would all be your sponsors for the night.

In our home we would probably have a fire in the fireplace, be curled under blankets, and would probably even be allowed to drink a small glass of soda. For an hour that night everything was special.

This is gone now. Lost in the age of internet, DVR, DVD, and 1000 television channels. We don't have Special events anymore (except the Super Bowl) where you know that just about everyone is watching. No more once a year showings of The Wizard of Oz. You're watching "The Voice" your neighbor is watching a cooking competition, your best friend fell asleep in the third inning of a baseball game, your boss is enjoying the Netflix release that arrived that afternoon, and your Mom is watching cat videos on YouTube.

I miss when things were special.

30 Years With The Detroit Lions: 1983 - Wide Right

2011-06-26T10:55:00.002-04:00

I started this series last fall and abandoned it, but I'm picking it back up. There's too many heartbreaking stories to tell.

In 1983 the Lions started the season 1-4. It looked like another in a long string of dismal years was ahead, but the Lions managed to claw out 8 wins in the final 11 games. Their 9-7 record was good enough to edge out the Chicago Bears for the NFC Central Division championship and set up a New Years' Eve date with the San Francisco 49ers.

Amazingly the Lions, who were understandably 7 point underdogs, outplayed the 49ers most of the afternoon. The Lions racked up 412 yards of total offense, including 114 rushing yards and two touchdowns from Billy Sims. Unfortunately quarterback Gary Danielson threw five (5!) interceptions and the Lions actually trailed most of the game.

A 54 yard field goal by Eddie Murray at the end of the half brought the Lions within 5 points at 14-9. They trailed 17-9 after a Ray Wersching field goal in the 3rd quarter, but then Sims scored his two touchdowns in the 4th to give the Lions a 23-17 lead.

Joe Montana took the ball on his own 30 yard line with 4:44 to go in the 4th quarter and led the 49ers down the field. The drive culminated with a 14 yard touchdown pass to Freddie Solomon which gave the 49ers a 24-23 lead with less than 2 minutes remaining.

The Lions took over at their own 26 and fought their way down the field. They got the ball to the San Francisco 35 yard line with 11 seconds left. Eddie Murray lined up for a game winning 43 yard field goal that would send the Lions to their first NFC Championship game. The cameras caught Lions head coach Monte Clark looking skyward and placing his hands together in prayer. Murray's kick started out heading straight down the middle, but suddenly pushed right and went wide of the upright. No good.

At my house I immediately stood up and walked past the television heading to my room. I looked over my shoulder before heading down the hallway and saw my Aunt Susie who was staying with us on her winter break from college. She was pressing her hands against her cheeks and quietly repeating over and over, "Oh no! Oh no!"

I went down to my bedroom, shut the door, and sulked. Another Lions debacle.

Happy New Year.

Alley Oop

2011-04-22T07:23:00.001-04:00

I had the chance to play basketball for the first time in over a year on Tuesday. A friend hosts a friendly gathering at a middle-school gymnasium every week, but I just haven't been able to get over there this year until this week.

The great thing about this gathering is that unlike the group I had been playing with in recent years everyone is either my age or older. No 16 to 18 year olds with endless energy reserves and youthful grace and speed. Nothing but 39 to 45 year old men with aching muscles who can't out hustle me. It's an even playing field where I actually get rebounds, can break away for uncontested layups, and can fake and juke my way to the hoop without being stopped at the first move. It felt great to be young again!

Also as a test I tried to see how high I can jump and found to my surprise that I can still touch the supports that connect the rim to the back board. I could do that 20 years ago in high school. Of course in college I could nearly dunk the ball, but my regression isn't as far as I thought. I think I still have some college eligibility so maybe I can make the team as a walk on this fall.

My Top 5 Favorite Sports Moments of 2010

2010-12-18T10:50:00.000-05:00

Armando Galarraga's Perfect Game

Then and Now: Beer Commercials.

2010-10-14T06:29:00.000-04:00

You might notice a change in approach...

THEN: 1981

"NOW": 2006

THEN: 1979

NOW: 2006

Fake

2010-09-21T10:44:00.000-04:00

30 Years With The Detroit Lions: 1982 - Happy Thanksgiving, L.T.

2010-09-05T22:49:00.000-04:00

In 1982 the Lions began the season at 2-0. Not bad except after the second game the players decided to go on a 57 day strike. Upon their return on November 21 the Lions lost to the Bears on a last second field goal after leading 14-3 after the first quarter.

That set up the traditional Thanksgiving Day game on November 25. The Lions welcomed the New York Giants to the Silverdome. The teams traded field goals for the first three quarters and the game was tied at six.

With about 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter the Lions found themselves knocking on the door of the Giants end zone and were about to punch in the go ahead touchdown. But quarterback Gary Danielson dropped back and lobbed a pass to the left side of the field. Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor intercepted the pass and ran 97 yards for the go ahead touchdown.

Not so fast! A penalty flag had been thrown on the play and Lions Tight End David Hill picked the flag up, held it in the air and gestured towards Taylor to bring the ball back. Unfortunately the penalty was a holding call against the Lions. The Giants declined, the touchdown stood, and the Lions lost 13-6. In spite of 321 yards of offense they lost a fumble and threw three interceptions.

The Lions ended the season 4-5, but still made the playoffs because the strike caused the NFL to use a 16 team playoff system. It did no good as the Lions lost to the eventual Super Bowl champion Washington Redskins 31-7.

30 Years With The Lions: 1981...The Dirty Dozen

2010-07-16T07:49:00.005-04:00

Over the years the Lions have perfected the art of giving games away at the last second. They either lose the lead in the final moments or choke away a perfect opportunity to snatch a last second victory from the jaws of defeat. In 1981 the Lions managed a rare feat. They actually blew a chance to win the game....and still won.

On November 15 the Lions faced the Dallas Cowboys at the Pontiac Silverdome. The Lions were 4-6 going into the game and hoping to finish strong and push into the playoffs, but the Cowboys were good, as usual, and held an 8-2 record. Beating them would be a tough task even for teams with better talent and experience than the Lions.

The game was tied going into the 4th Quarter, but Dallas took a 24-17 lead when quarterback Danny White threw a 14-yard touchdown pass to TE Jay Saldi. Things were not looking good.

But with only a few minutes left in the game Lions quarterback Eric Hipple connected with Billy Sims on an 81 yard touchdown pass. Sims did his signature "airplane" touchdown "dance" as he entered the endzone and flung himself to the ground as he spiked the ball. The game was tied at 24.

The Lions managed to get the ball back and with no timeouts and 19 seconds to play Hipple completed a pass of 18 yards to the Dallas 30 yard line. That's when the chaos began...

Head coach Monte Clark said the plan was for the offense to line up and throw the ball out of bounds to stop the clock, but a communications break down between the special teams coach and the head coaches had players from the offense and kicking teams running all over the place, scrambling onto and off the field.

As the clocked ticked down the special teams center, Tom Turnure, pushed regular center Amos Fowler aside as Eric Hipple lined up behind him in shotgun formation. Hipple then saw kicker Eddie Murray run onto the field behind him, so he quickly dropped down into the holding position.

The team was a mixture of special teams and offensive team players, including two wide receivers. Turnure snapped the ball with four seconds left, Murray's kick sailed through the uprights, the clock expired, the fans went crazy, and the Lions stormed the field. But guess what?

That's right. In all the confusion the Lions had 12 players on the field, which as you know is a penalty. Amazingly enough the referee and all the other officials didn't notice and no penalty flag was thrown. The Lions, in spite of their usual bumbling and stumbling at the end, managed to escape with the win. That's something that wouldn't happen much in the years to come. The bumbling and stumbling, yes, the winning? No.

The Lions won three of their next four games, and with a win over Tampa Bay in the season's final game they would secure a playoff spot. But, alas, the Buccaneers won the game, won the division, and the Lions, with an 8-8 record were left to wait for next year. Again.

By the way, Dallas finished 12-4 and went to the NFC Championship Game, which they lost on a play that is now known as "The Catch." Ever heard of it?

Here, for your enjoyment, is video of the final two plays of the Dallas game

30 Years With The Detroit Lions: 1980 - Thanksgiving Day vs. The Bears

2010-07-14T22:00:00.004-04:00

We're going to take a little break from the Birthday Songs countdown and spend some time reliving 30 years of unending, gut wrenching agony. I am of course talking about being a Detroit Lions fan. The project that follows is 30 moments over 30 years that represent what the Lions have been over that time. These aren't the greatest moments, but the moments that tell the story of perpetual heartbreak as a Lions fan.

I was born in Michigan, but until the age of 8 my family moved around the country. New York, New Orleans, San Diego, and New Jersey were the places we went. As far as sports goes each of those places brought a disappointment. In those places we were fans of the New York Jets and Mets, the Saints and Jazz, the Padres and Chargers, and the Yankees and Giants. During that time we got two championships out of all those teams. The 1977 and 1978 Yankees were our only tastes of glory. (And OH what a taste it was!)

We moved back to Michigan in the fall of 1980. The Detroit Lions had gone 2-14 in 1979 and got themselves the first pick in the NFL draft. So my return to Michigan coincided with the arrival of Heisman Trophy winner Billy Sims from the University of Oklahoma. (The same draft secured QB Eric Hipple and K Eddie Murray...More on them later.)

Things began to look up quickly. The Lions started the 1980 season at 4-0 and finished a respectable 9-7 although they missed the playoffs. (Thanks to Ahmad Rashad's last second "miracle" catch against the Cleveland Browns to give the Vikings the NFC Central title.) Sims rushed for 13 Touchdowns, 1303 yards and was named the NFL's Offensive Rookie of the Year. There were high hopes for the future.

But tucked away in the midst of that 1980 season is one moment that I should have seen as a sign; a clarion call to avoid a lifetime of misery. It was November 27th and the Lions hosted the Chicago Bears in the traditional Thanksgiving Day game. A Lions win would put them at 8-5 with three games to go and the two games they won to finish the season would have given them the Division championship.

Going into the fourth quarter the Lions held a 17-3 lead on the Bears. The Bears stormed back to tie the game with two 4th Quarter touchdowns. The second was a 4 yard run by QB Vince Evans on the final play of regulation.

The Bears won the coin toss and elected to receive the kickoff. Bears Kick Returner David Williams fielded the ball at his own five yard line, took the ball up the middle of the field, cut to the left sideline, and went all the way for a game winning touchdown. At 21 seconds it was (at the time) the shortest overtime game in NFL history.

Now, every year, when the Lions are getting ready to ruin your Thanksgiving meal with another loss, the network broadcasting the game will inevitably show that highlight. I watch and remember how stunned and heartbroken I was that day not knowing how much more anguish there was to come.

Being Lame = Complaining About The All-Star Game Selections

2010-07-06T22:39:00.003-04:00

As a teenage baseball fan in 1986 I was easily sucked into lamenting the selection of undeserving All-Stars and "snubs" of those who deserved to be there. To counteract this miscarriage of justice I started drawing up rosters for each league that would match the teams I believed should have been assembled. I would then spend two or three hours entering their stats into my Apple II computer baseball game (MicroLeague Baseball) and would simulate my own mock All-Star Game. At the time the results seemed more satisfying than the real "Mid-Summer Classic." It was my way of putting the planets back in their correct orbits.

I actually did this every July for the next 10 years. As computer baseball games became more sophisticated and complicated I eventually stopped my project. It became too time consuming and more importantly I stopped caring about who got snubbed, because I suddenly realized that there would never be a perfect way to select the All-Star team.

The first problem with selecting the All-Star Game is that there really is nothing set in stone as to what the All-Star Game is or what an All-Star player is supposed to be. Is the game an exhibition? Is it a battle between the best players to prove which league has better talent? Is it a game that matters? Are the players supposed to be the best statistical players for the first half of the year or is this a popularity contest?

The problem is laid out in the previous paragraph. The All-Star Game means different things to different people so who "belongs" in the game will differ greatly depending on who is selecting players. The thing is too many people with differing agendas are charged with this duty.

Players are initially selected by the fans. The average sports fans generally don't care about whether a player has been really good in the first half or not. Most people have responsibilities to employers, children, wives, houses, lawns, automobiles, and recreational softball leagues. People are doing stuff. They aren't scouring the sabermetric statistics every evening. When they sit down in the ballpark and look at the All-Star ballot they look for names they know. Many of them don't know what particular players are doing this year. So Derek Jeter and Justin Morneau get selected and take spots that might "belong" to someone who is more deserving in the eyes of those who are following more closely.

Next the manager and players get to select. Their criteria might be different. The manager will probably select a handful of his own players (see Ryan Howard and Alex Rodriguez) whether they are having a great year or not. Also, because the fans might not vote the "right" guy to start, the manager has to put a first tier guy in the second tier of players. This will of course force second tier guys off the roster completely.

As for the players, they might pick a guy because "he's scrappy" or something. Who knows what they measure it by?

Also, the game "matters" now; home field advantage in the World Series is at stake for the winning league. So depending on the managing style of each league's skipper he might pick someone who fits his philosophy on winning baseball (see Omar Infante)

So the fans, the players, and the manager will make some selections based on a bias. As a result a handful of players are left out simply because fans haven't heard of them and managers overlook to pick a guy from their team who plays the same position. (see Joey Votto vs. Ryan Howard)

Major League baseball has tried to alleviate this a little by making the rosters bigger and giving the fans a final "save" vote where they can select from a list of players who were viewed as "snubs."Even this isn't enough, because there will still be two or three guys who should be there.

The selection system leaves players out who might deserve to be there. That's how it is. That's how it will always be. Save yourself a lot of trouble and quit complaining about it. It's a baseball game.

America Loses Its Mind Again

2010-06-18T19:01:00.004-04:00

Most of America has never cared about soccer at all. We think so little of it that we actually don't call it football like the rest of the world. We have our own football, thank you very much. So we're going to call it "soccer." It's second rate to our sports minds. Not even. Professionally we don't rate it at all.

There have been many major attempts to put professional "soccer" in the minds of Americans; The North American Soccer League, three different Major Indoor Soccer Leagues, and Major League Soccer. All have basically been failures. They paid David Beckham more than the value of a small country and we barely noticed he was here. The only time we paid any attention was when he and his wife posed half naked for magazine spreads.

When the World Cup comes around many people care a little bit more. We do like major, big stage sporting events. But once the World Cup is over we put our Joey Harrington jerseys back on and go back to picking our fantasy NFL teams. Soccer is off the radar.

All that changed a bit yesterday when the U.S. World Cup team came back from 2-0 to a Slovenia team that was ranked 12 spots behind them. The U.S. evened (or "leveled" in soccer terms) the game in the 82nd minute and then seemingly took the lead minutes later on a Maurice Edu goal off a free kick. (I don't know what that means.)

But the goal was disallowed by a referee who refused to explain why. Replays apparently showed no malfeasance from U.S. players which led team players and coaches to cry foul about having a goal and a game stolen from them.

Sportscasters, fans, and local meathead sports radio hosts all across America, after all these years of indifference and hatred for soccer, suddenly began to toss around words like "outrage" and "robbed" and "agenda" and "screwed" and "jobbed" and "B.S." and "stolen" and any thing else you can dig out of your thesaurus. An entire nation suddenly felt violated and victimized by a guy waving a yellow 3 X 5 card in the air.

An entire eco-system along our coastlines is in the process of being wiped out by incompetence and inaction. We're barely giving that a thought, but we're howling about the destruction of our national pride caused by a foul call in a sport we all hate. If we're not going to take to the streets over issues that really matter then we should at least save our vitriol for referees in sports we actually care about.

Tom Izzo Comes To His Senses

2010-06-16T06:46:00.003-04:00

The entire state of Michigan avoided being swept into a sink hole on Tuesday night. We still have 18% unemployment, 75 Michigan public schools will be closing this year, I can't afford to buy a new kitchen table, my cat has been sneezing for the last five days, and those damn vuvuzelas are really annoying. None of this will get us down now, however, because Tom Izzo has decided to continue coaching Michigan State.

Yes, I like Michigan State, and I like college basketball, and Tom Izzo is probably the most beloved human being from this state (although Ted Nugent has a strong contingent of followers), but it got pretty embarrassing around here for the last week and a half.

Five hundred students held a vigil at the Magic Johnson statue outside the Breslin Center. They placed flowers. They gave speeches. One of the Spartan players gave a tearful endorsement for coach Izzo. Volunteers placed signs around East Lansing that read "We HEART Izzo" in what they called "a show of support." Rumors and speculation ran wild in the newspapers and on blogs as Izzo was reported to be leaving, staying, not sure, running for President, and signing on to be Tiger Woods' new swing coach.

Worst of all some of our State legislators took the time to write to the coach and let him know that he is the most important person in the world and that without him we might as well just curl up in a ball and cry the rest of our lives away.

When the drama seemed to carry on too long for some fans they blamed Izzo. They said he was just trying to get his ego stroked a little. He was being a drama queen. He's self absorbed. Why did he have to do this to THEM every year? (By "this" I assume they meant media speculating that he might take an NBA job followed by an annual trip to the Final Four. Yeah, I hate that too. What a jerk.)

Of course, when it was all over we found out what smart people already knew. When you are offered $6 million a year and court side seats to watch Lebron James you HAVE to consider it. That's what he was doing; considering an offer that most of us will never even get in our dreams.

If I was Tom Izzo I would have considered it.You would have too.Yes, you; the Spartan fan who threatend to hate Izzo with all your being and destroy 12 years of bliss and warm feelings, because he wouldn't consider your feelings for 9 days.

But you can stop pacing now. You'll get a good night's sleep for the first time in what seems like an eternity. You still hold absolute power over your friends who are Michigan Wolverine fans. What could be more important than that?

Make That Change

2010-06-04T07:41:00.002-04:00

Apparently Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig has decided not to overturn the call by umpire Jim Joyce on Armando Galarraga's perfect game. I'm sure some people will tack this on to their ever growing lists of reasons why Selig is a complete failure as commissioner, human being, and mammal. I understand why he won't change it and I'm not going to write him a letter or call for his ousting.

However, in my opinion he should ignore all the old school crumb bums who wail about the so called integrity of the game and change the ruling. Never mind all that nonsense about integrity. When has baseball ever really cared about the game's integrity? Did they care about it when they turned a blind eye to Gaylord Perry's spitballs, or the decades and decades of players using amphetamines? No. And don't get me started on the "S" word.

I also don't care about what has been done in the past and whether this will set some sort of "dangerous" precedent for the future. This is the rarest situation you could think of; Never before has a perfect game been taken away by a bad call on the final out. That's in over 100 years of Major League Baseball, in over 300,000 games in history. This is the first and likely only time that fate and the stars will align with God's will into this exact scenario. It is also likely the only time Armando Galarraga will even sniff a perfect game and he took it down to the final out. This is not going to happen again. Ever.

What harm will come from changing it? It was the last out of the game and it won't affect the outcome of what happened afterward at all. The next batter grounded out. The game ended. It will erase a base hit from the record books that shouldn't have been awarded anyway. That's it. Jason Donald will finish the season with 85 hits instead of 86. Big deal.

Now all the protectors of the sacred legacy of game and the sanctity of the rule book will say I am wrong. They will drop that annoying cliche about "The Human Element" and say that mistakes are part of the game. Rubbish. If a Miguel Cabrera had kicked that final ground ball into left-field or turned and fired his throw up into the tenth row of the stands then that's your "Human Element" argument. Players can be charged with errors. It's part of the scoring of the game. But an umpire is there to make sure the right call is made. They are going to put some sort of instant replay system into the game now. It's inevitable. So why not start with that play?

As for the anti-replay set. What's the problem? What are you so afraid of? It will slow the game down? The game is already slow. How do you decide which plays to review? The close plays. How many close disputed plays are there in an average baseball game? One? Review it. Get it right. Football does. Especially in its most crucial situations. In the last two minutes they can review every play if they need to. No one complains about slowing football games down. No one cries about the human element in football. No one wrings their hands and says, "What would Red Grange think?" They get the calls right.

Let's get this right. Baseball is sports and sports is entertainment and entertainment should be fun and make you happy. Changing or not changing this call isn't the end of the world, but awarding Galarraga an official perfect game will make a lot of people happy. What's so bad about that?

It Would Take A Strong, Strong Man

2010-04-07T22:10:00.000-04:00

This is the University of Oregon acappella group, On the Rocks. They were visiting New York City and felt compelled to "Rick Roll" their subway car...

Y'all Are Playing Catch Up Ball

2010-04-02T06:04:00.001-04:00

"If you're not carrying the big gold, you're second best no matter what you tell yourself" - Ric Flair

We Talkin' Bout Practice

2010-04-01T06:01:00.001-04:00

Slap Chop

2010-03-28T07:28:00.002-04:00

Take It Away

2009-11-09T07:38:00.004-05:00

Last year I wrote this passionate defense of the Lions Thanksgiving Day game. I pretty much stand by many of my statements from that writing. No one deserves to have that slot. The Lions started it independently of the NFL so I think they should be allowed to schedule it whether the NFL or the other teams like it or not.

Except the way things have gone the last ten years and seeing the 2009 debacle of a new logo, new quarterback, bu the same results, I've rethought my stance. I wouldn't protest them taking the game away from the Lions even if I don't think they have the right to. In fact I encourage them to take it away. Or at least schedule another game nationally and only broadcast the Lions game locally. It's just gotten too far out of hand for anyone to care anymore. (And doesn't Los Angeles need a team?)

Or maybe just ignore football on Thanksgiving and let your relatives bore you instead.

Sports Fans = Morons

2009-11-03T06:14:00.007-05:00

There's a big row going on right now between Dominic Raiola of the Detroit Lions and a bunch of the Lions fans. Apparently at the latest embarrassing Detroit loss many of the fans were criticizing Lions rookie quarterback Matthew Stafford believing that he had played poorly and cost the Lions the game.

This is why the Lions always fail and always will. The fans give the quarterback about five games to prove he's a Super Bowl caliber field general. After that they make him the whipping boy, the Lions management panics and within two years they ship him off and trot in the next victim.

Raiola got into it with the fans and now they hate him. He's been here for 9 years of suffering (try watching it for 30 years, Dominic) and he stays. I don't know if it's because no one else will have him or because he's a misguided loyalist, but either way I'm on his side. Why?

Because sports fans are morons.

They are the second worst part of sports behind the owners. Actually it might be a tie.

That whole fraudulent mantra of "We pay their salaries" and "I pay a lot of money for my ticket so I can say whatever I want." is nauseating.

They are idiots. Dolts. Dunderheads. Simpletons. Nincompoops. MORONS!

They sit around and complain about how awful the team is, but every year they continue to pay ridiculous ticket prices, show up every week, and then scream at the players for making their lives miserable by playing poorly. All so they can show their integrity by labeling themselves "Loyal Fans."

Then come the even more clueless mantras like, "I've been a loyal fan for 50 years." or "I stick with my team." That's your problem. If you can't see that YOU are the one making yourself miserable then you get no sympathy from me.

I think Dominic Raiola should keep quiet not because he's an idiot. I think he should quit yelling at the fans because you can't argue with morons

What Are You Looking At, You Hockey Puck?

2009-06-13T20:02:00.007-04:00

"It is completely unnecessary to suffer several days' emotional devastation when your team loses some big postseason deal like the Super Bowl." - George Carlin

There was a time in my life when I would be inconsolable right now. I'm talking about the kind of emotional distress that would have me locked up in my room most of the weekend, staring at the wall, and trying to find something, anything to take my mind off the fact that a group of 20 or so guys that I've never met had just ruined my life.

Obviously I'm talking about the Red Wings losing the Stanley Cup. I've followed them pretty closely since cable television finally made them accessible in the early 1990's. They've been contenders/champions that whole time. Six Stanley Cup finals and four championships is a pretty impressive record.

*Hockey is the best sport on a purely entertainment level and even more so during the playoffs. It's fast moving, tense, violent, and the score is usually close. So when you add all that up and then put it in the context of a do or die final game it's even more entertaining. It's a shame that it doesn't translate better to television. I've yet to see a game on HDTV, but imagine widescreen HD vastly improves the television hockey experience. And above all other sports it is the best game to see live.

I've had my share of juvenile dejection at the end of "important" sporting events, but It was actually after the Red Wings won the Stanley Cup in 1997 that I became aware that my relationship to sports was changing. I was watching with five other guys and one of them was so intense and fanatical that when the game ended he jumped up and began high fiving everyone and screaming his head off like a maniac. It was embarrassing to watch and all I could think was, "Wow, is that what it looks like?" Since that time I've never gotten too up or too down about "my teams" and their end of year results.

So it's not the end of the world for me, my friends. I like the Red Wings and it would be nice if they won again, but oh well. It doesn't have a thing to do with my happiness. I'm just glad I have a job.

This Is Just To Say

2009-04-15T20:29:00.006-04:00

There is a poem titled "This Is Just To Say" by William Carlos Williams and it goes like this...

I have eaten

the plums

that were in

the icebox

and which

you were probably

saving

for breakfast.

Forgive me

they were delicious

so sweet

and so cold.

There are several interpretations of the poem. Most say it sounds like a note left on the kitchen table for someone. But all interpretations I've read seem to agree that the voice of the poem doesn't really feel sorry for eating the plums. He demands forgiveness, but then excuses himself by describing how wonderful the pilfered plums were.

It is apparently a running game among poets to write their own version of the poem. I guess it is also often used in poetry writing classes as a springboard for students to write their own version.

I haven't written a poem since college, but here is my version. The voice is equally unapolgetic which I think is the point...

"This Is Just To Say"
by Greg Bevier

When I hurled

that jagged shard of wood

in your direction

I didn't think

it would hit you

in the face.

I would ask you to

forgive me

but now

you are dead

It's In The Papers

2009-04-07T08:10:00.004-04:00

So I was browsing the Detroit News website this morning and stumbled upon a photo of an adorable couple of Spartan Fans....

That's my favorite cousin (just kidding, Kim!) Staci Lynn and her sweetheart Ross "2.0" Scott. I think this was the last time they smiled yesterday.

I'm also fairly certain that the guy in the Spartan hat in the background to the left is my favorite Uncle Jeff. He's shaped like him anyway.

Men Among Boys

2009-04-07T07:04:00.004-04:00

The moment I knew the Tar Heels were going to win came before the game even started. (Actually, I think I really knew it the moment the Tar Heels officially became the Spartans opponent on Saturday night.) My moment of realization came during player introductions. The Carolina players looked relaxed, confident, and determined. They were smiling and laughing and not the least bit intimidated by the sea of Spartan fans surrounding them. I was watching alone so no one could hear me when I said out loud, "This game is over."

The Spartans played like they knew it was over too. Before they had a chance to settle in and calm themselves they were already down by 20 points. It was brutal and it was probably to be expected. North Carolina really was that good. They looked like men among boys.

Have cheer, Spartan fans. It's disappointing, but it is just a basketball game. There is some solace in the fact that they got to this point. They had to beat four really good teams to get there and it was a lot of fun. More fun than we remember right now.

They'll be here again. Hopefully next time with a happier ending.

150

2009-04-02T11:46:00.005-04:00

There has been a lot of talk this week about how the state of Michigan "needs" the Michigan State basketball team to be in the Final Four. It is somehow supposed to be a magic potion that will soothe a state on the brink of financial ruin.

I'm excited that the Spartans are in the Final Four. I come from a family that bleeds Green and White. Even though I'm one of the rare kin folk who did not attend MSU I inherited a default association to the university. I'm not as hard core as some of my family. I own exactly three items of Spartan memorabilia and don't get too high or too low emotionally when it comes to any of their athletic teams.

So having said that; I don't really think this is the major inspiring lift that the state needs. It's a fun diversion and it makes a nice article for the sports section. But win or lose come next Tuesday morning reality will have to return. Detroit will still be preparing to close 50 public schools, the auto industrywill still be struggling, and people will still be moving out of state at alarming rates.

I'll be watching like everyone else and hoping for a National Championship, but I won't count this as the turning point for our home state. It's going to take a lot more than that to give most of us the real hope we need.

NERD ALERT!

2009-04-01T20:50:00.007-04:00

I've been in a fantasy baseball league with some of my friends for about 10 years. I've always known that there is something incredibly geeky about putting together and managing an imaginary baseball team and I rarely discuss it with anyone outside the "league."

We have what is known as a keeper league. There is a complicated scoring system that I don't understand that determines which of three levels your players fall into. Then you have to determine which players from each level you want to keep and which you will allow to be entered into the draft pool. We keep 12 players of 25 so that does allow for a significantly important draft every spring.

The draft is online so normally everyone is at home in front of their own computer drafting at the same time. This year my friend Eric suggested that all the "managers" who live in Michigan should get together in one place and use laptops on wireless connection to draft "together."

I really wanted to see my friends so I agreed to it and Sunday night I went back to my hometown (C-Town) to my friend Michael's house. He has a really nice computer room with wireless Internet and plenty of room for us all to spread out with our laptops.

We all got there early and had pizza and talked. That was the fun part. Then the draft started and my eyes were opened. Fantasy sports is really stupid and nerdy.

I love baseball and fantasy baseball helps me stay relatively up to date on what is going on in the game, but the other five guys who were there were WAY too knowledgeable about it. They knew the names and stats of players who haven't even heard of themselves. And they were also utterly too concerned about how well their team was assembled. They also went through the whole rosters and broke down how they thought their team would pan out this season.

It was the closest I've ever come to a Dungeons and Dragons party. It was scary.

Tour Our Pantry

2009-02-18T06:12:00.003-05:00

I stayed home with a sick child yesterday and after all my chores were done I was looking for something to do. Here are the results...I shot this with my new widescreen capable digital camcorder, but I don't understand how to "render" things yet so YouTube scrunched the picture.

EDIT: I have since been informed that the "Better Than Milk" can was only purchased a few weeks ago.

Are We There Yet?

2009-01-20T21:42:00.002-05:00

On Sunday at basketball I overheard a couple of the guys talking about all the festivities surrounding the Presidential Inauguration. One gentleman noted that he was "sick of hearing about it myself," but granted "it's pretty historic, I guess."

You guess?

A co-worker, who I always half jokingly refer to as a racist, said, "I don't get why this is such a big deal."

Seriously...Has anyone in this state read a history book? Do they understand that slavery and civil rights are essentially the top social issues this country has had to face in the 200+ years of existence? No one has heard of the Missouri Compromise, "Jim Crow", or George Wallace?

I understand that this doesn't mean that racism is dead in this country. It's also possible Obama won't be a good President. It is also very likely that the inauguration euphoria will wear off and many of our citizens will return to waiting around for the government to take care of them because they are too lazy to take care of themselves. But I spent a good portion of my childhood listening to people throw the word "nigger" around as commonly as "hello" and I never dreamed that I would see this day come. Just twenty years ago it didn't seem possible.

But today a black man is President. Twelve men who held the same office owned slaves. And until the mid 1960's most of the rest of them turned a blind eye to segregation and racial inequality.

Believe me, this is historic and it is a big deal.

Time Keeps On Slippin, Slippin, Slippin Into The Future

2009-01-18T19:21:00.000-05:00

We made a little family jaunt down to see the Bald Eagles I spoke of earlier. They were pretty far away, but we had the pleasure of seeing one of the adults soar right over our heads. Here's a picture of him.

Subversive Namby Pamby Weirdos

2009-01-15T21:16:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid no one ever said, "I saw a Bald Eagle today." Unless you went to a zoo you probably had zero chance of seeing one. You were just as likely to see a Bigfoot. They just weren't around.

So we were planning to drive to Keokuk, IA this weekend for a "Bald Eagle Festival." I've never seen a genuine "wild" Bald Eagle and what could be more American than watching migratory Bald Eagles plucking dinner from the Mississsippi River? But the weather is supposed to be atrocious so we canceled the trip. We were all disappointed. Here's a chance shot to see something so wonderful shot to pieces. When I told this to a co-worker he said, "Well, there's about 30 of them on the north side of Lake Macatawa near Dutton Park."

Normally I take what this guy says with a grain of salt. He loves to embellish and flat out lie about things, but I thought I'd investigate his claims. So on my journeys today I stopped at Dutton Park. The parking lot is plowed, but the trails are almost knee deep in snow. But there is a boat launch nearby so I walked down there and peered through the trees. Sure enough, perched in some trees right on the shoreline were two of the biggest birds I've ever seen in my life. Then they took off over the lake and began gliding and swooping and I noticed there were about 8 more of them. (That's ten...20 short of the 30 my co-worker claimed. So he didn't lie about the birds, but he embelleshed the total.)

I knew there were now Bald Eagles in Michigan, but I had no idea they were so close. In my backyard practically. And I was SO excited. I asked another guy who was there why there isn't a bigger deal made of them (They've apparently been coming here for three or four years). He said they stopped promoting it because once it got in the newspapers there were thousands of people coming out. The birds would get spooked and go somewhere else.

So this weekend I'm going to go out with my camera and binoculars (and my family) and try to watch them for a while. Hopefully I'll get some good photos for you.

Happy Birthday, Motown

2009-01-12T23:28:00.004-05:00

Fingertips - "Little" Stevie Wonder

The Temptations - Get Ready

The Marvelettes - Please Mr. Postman

The Jackson 5 - I Want You Back / ABC

Wii Don't Need To Talk About It

2009-01-12T22:37:00.005-05:00

On Sunday I was explaining to the kids why a Nintendo Wii is different than other video game systems. It actually forces you (for most games) to get up off the couch and move around a little bit, etc...Then Jessica said, "I guess I wouldn't mind if you got one."

She shouldn't have said that. Just wait until that next economic stimulus comes around....

Damn Yankees - High Enough
Uploaded by krematoria

The Human Highlight Film

2009-01-11T20:07:00.004-05:00

In my recent foray back into the world of basketball I've noticed a trend. I will go three or four trips up and down the floor where I am absolutely sure I'm becoming the best 37 year old pick up basketball player on the planet. However I will then follow that with another four or five trips where I end up looking like a complete fool.

For instance, tonight I had a stretch where I made a nice bounce pass to a teammate cutting down the lane for a lay up, got the defensive rebound on the next possession and ended up hitting a mid range jump shot, and then stole a pass on the next defensive possession.

But after the steal I charged down the floor for an uncontested lay up. I of course stumbled as I began my shot and the ball careened off the bottom of the rim as I went sprawling into the wall behind the basket. The next time down the floor was another fast break. This time it was 2 on 1 and my teammate drove towards the hoop. The defender moved to cover him so he passed me the ball. I caught it and stopped as though I were going to shoot a little five foot jumper. So the defender moved to box out my teammate. But I hadn't dribbled yet so he had left me a wide open lane to the basket. Naturally I decided to go in for the enormously easy lay up and promptly dribbled the ball off my toe and out of bounds.

In one night I was both Jimmmy Chitwood AND Ollie rolled into one.

It's An Old Indian Game

2009-01-05T07:28:00.000-05:00

I haven't played "competitive" basketball in probably 8 years or so. But one of my unspoken resolutions for this year is to get into better shape. I'm not a complete deadbeat because my job keeps me relatively active, but at 37 I figure I might want to take physical fitness more seriously.

Our church here in Holland hosts "Guys' Basketball" every Sunday night in their gymnasium. It turned out to be a group of guys I don't know, but since it's at a church everyone is lighthearted and friendly (as friendly as Hollanders can be anyway.) We only had enough guys to play 3 on 3 half court, but I was expecting that even that would totally wear me down after about five minutes. But I kept up pretty well and actually was still playing pretty hard at the end of the two hours. I only turned my ankle once and suffered a momentary lapse in judgment by diving for a loose ball near the cement wall. I didn't shoot well (or often), but near the end I warmed up a little and made a few jump shots and a hook shot in the lane.

There was one kid there who was clearly athletic, but apparently didn't get the concept of basketball. Every time I was on offense he would let me stand between him and the basket and they would just lob me the ball for a layup. (I think I missed the first three or four, but even after that he still didn't get it.) And when one of his teammates told him, "You need to stand between him and the basket," he would still forget.

One other guy, who was clearly NOT very athletic, made me feel a lot better about my diminished skills. He was constantly throwing the ball away or dropping passes (or just plain missing the passes). He could dribble really well, but he didn't run very fast so it was easy to stop his progress. Then after anyone stopped him his favorite move was to pass the ball behind him, either around his back or back between his legs. But it was never anywhere near one of his teammates. But he made almost all his outside shots.

A third player there was way too energetic for most of us who were in our mid to late 30's. He was diving after every loose ball and crashing for every rebound and basically playing harder than the rest of us. We was sort of the David Eckstein of our gathering except I think he may actually have a bit more talent.

Sorry, Mom...

2008-12-31T21:56:00.002-05:00

I forgot to mention that my mom came over on Christmas Day. And yes, I was glad to see her.

Keep Christmas With You

2008-12-27T17:49:00.000-05:00

Well, this year Christmas was "low key." Jessica's folks came over on Christmas Eve and stayed the night. We had a nice Christmas Eve dinner of vegetarian tamales, watched "The Santa Clause" ("Muppet Christmas Carol" wasn't available or that would have been on for sure,), then Jessica and I wrapped up a couple of gifts for the kids and then fell asleep by the glow of the Christmas tree.

This morning came the obligatory 5 a.m. Christmas morning wake up call. (Call it karma for all the years I dragged my parents out of bed early.) We gave the girls Mary Poppins and Jane & Michael Banks dolls, the Cranium "Hulabaloo" game, Arianna got a dictionary and they each got a ton of books.

I got a biography of Lincoln and Muppet Show Season 2. I gave Jessica a bunch of Jane Austen themed books.

Then I went back to bed for two hours and got up in time for our traditional Christmas lunch/dinner of Enchiladas. This year's batch was the best yet.

Then I went back to bed for a couple more hours.

The kids are upset that Christmas is over, but I told them some mumbo jumbo about keeping it in your heart all year and I think they bought it.

Hope everyone else had a Happy Christmas also. Good times...

Santa Claus ISN'T Coming To Town

2008-12-24T06:37:00.000-05:00

I've taken some heat over the years when I tell people that we don't teach our kids that Santa Claus is real. Relatives and people I don't know very well have called me a Scrooge. The usual argument has been that I am taking the magic away from Christmas and ruining all the fun for my children. As usual, I was right and they were wrong.

I look at it this way; I'm not lying to my kids. I understand the whole Santa Claus thing is all in fun, but it's a lie that will eventually unravel somehow and truly wrench all the magic away from the day. I remember the anticipation of Santa's arrival on Christmas Eve and all the preparations that went into it. Yes, that was all very exciting; until I found out the whole thing was a sham. After that my idea of Christmas was completely shattered and for four or five years I didn't really look forward to it that much anymore. I still got gifts, we still put up a tree, we still hung stockings by the fireplace, and we still put outsnacks for a guest who wasn't really comng. Santa Claus was gone. Bummer. So my wife and I decided together not to set our kids up for a fall years later.

And guess what? My kids LOVE Christmas in spite of dire warnings from people who told me I was being stupid. They love decorating the tree. The beg me to play Christmas music. In October they are already asking me "How many days until Christmas?" (and they ask me just about every day up until then.) They love to watch "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" and "Christmas Eve On Sesame Street." It's their favorite day of the year.

So there.

The Price Is Right On The Nose

2008-12-18T07:36:00.006-05:00

Okay, so here's a Showcase Showdown result from the Price Is Right....The lady guesses within $500 of the actual price....but guess what homeboy on the left does?

I read about this and apparently when the producers realized what had happened they stopped the show for an hour before revealing the results to make sure no one had cheated. Then they went ahead and finished the show. I smell a plot by the Man to keep this poor lady from winning.

I'll Take The Giraffe With A Coke

2008-12-14T21:21:00.005-05:00

Back a few months ago I posted this funny little birthday wish; I wanted to be served a meal comprised of old Bill Knapp's recipes. I wanted the whole deal; biscuits, coleslaw, Chicken Fricassee, the celebration cake, a Donald Duck comic book to read while waiting for a table, and Bing Crosby singing "Happy Birthday." I even told my wife that if I had to I would cook the whole thing up myself.

Well, I didn't have to. My mom arranged to have cousins, aunts, uncles and Grandma whip up all the food. She bought the comic book and the Bing Crosby 45 rpm on Ebay, and told everyone to keep their mouths shut. Then on Sunday they all gathered at my Mom's for what I thought was a simple birthday gathering with mom, Jessica, and the kids and they sprung the whole thing on me as a surprise.

I had no clue it was coming. None. And I guess this was planned since before Thanksgiving. I didn't even catch on when I saw Grandma vainly trying to hide in the kitchen. Or when my Mom greeted me at the door to say, "Welcome to Bill Knapp's! How many are in your party?" I thought she'd lost her marbles for a moment. But then I saw my cousins and their husbands come out of their hiding spots and I realized I'd been had. And I loved it!

The food was fabulous even if Grandma doubted the authenticity of the biscuit recipe. But I learned one thing that I hadn't even thought of until I sat down to eat. What made it all complete was sitting around the table with many of the people I used to sit down at Bill Knapp's with in the old days. Without them there it would have been just another meal.

So thanks to everyone who participated and to those who were there in spirit. It wouldn't have been the same without you.

Big Boy Time

2008-12-03T06:43:00.002-05:00

Attention all Spartan Fans....

Don't waste valuable energy getting worked up about the big Ford Field game against the Tar Heels tonight. The game's already over. The Spartans are going to get trounced. You can put 80,000 fans in there and it won't change a thing.

So don't get all bent out of shape if they aren't playing well. Don't throw things; don't scream a the the television; don't tell your wife you just need to be alone for a while.

Don't be a fan. It's time to be a Big Boy.

They're toast.

Keep Your Hands To Yourself

2008-11-26T20:16:00.005-05:00

My Dad has a saying, "The only good thing about the Lions playing on Thanksgiving is that you don't have to watch them that Sunday." Still, each year when their schedule is released the first thing I want to know is, "Who do they play on Thanksgiving?" I did this before, during, and after the Barry Sanders era. I've even done it over the last seven incredibly dreadful years.

The Lions have been playing on Thanksgiving (with a break during WWII) ever since 1934. This has been around since before television ratings and major advertising revenue. It wasn't the idea of the NFL office. It was the idea of Lions owner George Richards who wanted to draw attention to the Lions in their first season in Detroit.

Over the last few years a bunch of self-righteous windbags on radio, television, and in the offices of succesful NFL franchises have been whining and calling for the game to be taken away from the Lions. They say the Lions don't deserve it anymore. They want to rotate the game and give it to better teams so other franchises can cash in.

You know what I say to these people; Too bad! Deal with it. Grow up. And get a life. We don't want you to watch anyway. The Thanksgiving game isn't something you earn. No one "deserves" to play this game. You've got 17 Sunday and Monday nights to watch all the big games you want. I think you can humor us for one day. We aren't going to the playoffs any time soon, but we've got Thanksgiving, gosh darn it! That's our special day; our "Super Bowl." Let us at least have that would you? You selfish jerks!

If you aren't happy with it then shut off your television and play Cribbage with your Grandpa. Or find out just what exactly it is your cousin does for a living. You want another game on Thanksgiving? Then spring for a satellite dish and tune in to that compelling Cardinals/Eagles matchup on NFL Network. Or wait until after lunch and watch that earth shattering Cowboys/Seahawks tilt.

I know the Lions aren't going to win tomorrow. Not a chance. But one day the Lions will be competitive again and they'll still be there on Thanksgiving and they will dip the ball in a big bowl of turkey gravy, slather it with cranberry sauce, and jam it down all your whiny throats!

Five Favorite Singers

2008-11-25T22:22:00.009-05:00

You're normally supposed to do a "Fives" list on Fridays...but I'm not normal...

Rolling Stone Magazine just released their list of the Top 100 Singers of All-Time. Obviously things like this are subjective, but I'm not sure this list is right. You can't honestly tell me that Van Morrison is a better singer than Michael Jackson. Seriously. How stupid do they think we are?

So without further ado; here's my own personal Top Five with samples...

5. Stevie Wonder

He jumped the shark as a songwriter about 25 years ago, but he's always been a great singer. The American Idol judges always criticize people for attempting one of his songs, because it's impossible to match how good his songs are when he's the one singing them.

"Overjoyed"

4. Patsy Cline

Forget Carrie Underwood; she couldn't carry Patsy's jock. Well...you know what I mean. Here's one of the great songs ever. It even inspired the first line of Dave Matthews Band's "Crush." ...."Crazy"

3. Elvis Presley

Yeah, he was the King of Rock and Roll, but he won both his Grammys for Gospel songs. And here's why..."Peace In The Valley."

2. Art Garfunkel

On the Rolling Stone list he finished about 20 spots behind Axl Rose. Come on. Let's get real here. He has a horrible hairdo and his name makes my children laugh hysterically, but his voice is magic. I can sort of imitate Elvis, but the best I can do with Artie is envy him.

"For Emily Whenever I May Find Her" with Paul Simon

1. Alison Krauss

As my friend Scott once said, "Alison Krauss is kick ass!" Her voice has been described as "angelic" or "heavenly," but there's nothing I can say to convince you. Just listen.

"Carolina In My Mind" with Jerry Douglas

Got A Lot Of Torturing To Do

2008-11-25T07:28:00.002-05:00

I'm sure this will be removed from YouTube soon so we better watch it now...Here's what happened after the Star Wars gang was trapped by Darth Vader and Lando Calrissian.

HOOOOOO!! Tough Guy!!!

2008-11-19T21:33:00.002-05:00

Okay, Phil, this one's for you....

You So Old You're Like A Fossil

2008-11-11T21:22:00.005-05:00

Here's a picture of me and some of my cousins...It's from Christmas 1989.....Okay, so the little blonde girl sitting to my left and wearing glasses....she's all grown up now, married, and pretty soon will be a mommy.....And that kid on my shoulders? He just graduated from college and is working at a corporate office in Minnesota...And the little girl on my brother's shoulders...Yeah, she's fixing to finish college here pretty quick.

I'm so old....

I'm so old I owe Fred Flintstone some food stamps.
I'm so old when I was in school there was no history class.
I'm so old my Social Security number is "1"
I'm so old I sat behind Moses in the third grade.
I'm so old I took flying lessons on a pterodactyl.

Older than my birthday....

You've Come A Long Way, Baby

2008-11-04T23:32:00.001-05:00

Sweet Land Of LIberty, originally uploaded by G Bev.

No matter who you voted for...Give yourself a hand, America! You came out in record numbers and you made history!

God Bless the U.S.A....She's not perfect, but she's ours!!!

Smell My Feet

2008-11-01T23:32:00.000-04:00

I've made no secret of my disdain for Halloween. My number one problem is that it's creepy. I know it's supposed to be creepy, but people walking around dressed in bizarre costumes and trying to speak to you in character (or out) is just WAY creepy. It's the only day of the year where a teenage kid can stand at the end of his driveway dressed like Michael Myers, hold a giant carving knife, and wave at passing cars without anyone thinking, "Someone call the cops and get that kid some therapy."

On Friday, I had some business at an adult foster care program for "mentally challenged" folks. The first guy I ran into was dressed like a doctor; scrubs and rubber gloves.

HIM: We're having a Halloween party today.
ME: Are you going to bob for apples?
HIM: I don't know; what I really want to do is go home and get drunk.
ME: What?
HIM: Yeah, I rather just go get wasted.

I was then approached by a guy who was about six feet tall. He had a huge bushy black wig, bushy black beard, dirty overalls and his face and hands were covered in black paint. It was one of the best Wolfman costumes I'd ever seen....

ME: Whoa! Great costume! Are you the Wolfman?
HIM: (incredulously) WHAT? No, I'm Steven Urkel!
ME: (stammering) uh, oh, you don't sound like him...
HIM: I don't need to SOUND like him as long as I look like him!

Thanksgiving can't get here soon enough.

World Series Game 1: Greg's Game Log

2008-10-23T13:50:00.002-04:00

In order to spice up the coverage of Game 1 I kept a personal game log. If you didn't watch the game most of this will make no sense.

PRE-GAME

--How sad has the Bush Administration been that the only positive thing people will remember is W throwing out the first ball at Game 3 in 2001?

--Charlie Manuel needs some work on the treadmill.

--Who the hell is Ben Zobrist?

--BACKSTREET'S (minus one) BACK!! with a dreadful rendition of the Star Spangled Banner.

THE GAME

Why are they giving us the lineups when we saw the lineups during the live intros?

Scott Kazmir is interminably slow.

I’ve seen Chase Utley hit two HR’s and both times it looked like there was no way it was going out. It looks like a Wiffle Ball swing.

Any ballpark that requires a separate rule book to deal with the roof is a dump.

Victorino was out on the pick off…and he acted like he knew it when he stood up. He looked like he was expecting to be called out.

Carl Crawford a ‘difference maker?” When?

TOP OF THE THIRD

I like when you see a lead off double and the announcer says, “Good start for the Phillies.” Thanks for the update.

Finally, Ken Rosenthal tells me who Ben Zobrist is. Sort of the poor man’s Johnny Grubb.

McCarver says The Phillies are getting good jumps off second base on those foul balls.

With a runner at third and one out Joe Buck says, “Kazmir needs a strikeout.” Or an infield pop, or a foul flyout, or a ground ball back to the pitcher. Etc….

Good start for the Phillies, but a bad finish. Stranded at third.

BOTTOM OF THE THIRD

Ben Zobrist says, “THAT’S my name.”

So Tim McCarver says there’s a big difference between “quick” and “fast” but never explains the difference. Don’t leave us hangin’!

B.J. Upton is now leading the World Series in double plays.

TOP OF THE FOURTH

Ben Zobrist is EVERYWHERE! He hasn’t played RF since tee-ball, but he knew B.J. Upton needed a wingman.

Stopp fouling off pitches when these guys are trying to steal! I want my free mystery meat taco!

BOTTOM OF THE FOURTH

I’ve got the same problem with Rich Dubee that I had with Ben Zobrist. Never heard of him…

Carl Crawford says, “NOW who’s making a difference?” (75% of the runs have come on HR. My 80-90% prediction is looking good so far.)

TOP OF THE FIFTH

McCarver just said you need to reach for things with your legs and not your arms. That’s deep.

The Rays use Alan Greenspan quotes for inspiration? Couldn't find anything from Jesus or Bill Gates?

Okay, Umps, let’s follow the rule book. You’re supposed to run between the two white lines when chugging to first. If you are to the left of the foul line you are supposed to be called out. Especially when you get in the way of a throw And, no, Joe Buck, he wasn’t on the edge of the line, he was nearly on the grass. He’s OUT!

BOTTOM OF THE FIFTH

McCarver says, “Cole Hamels; so unpredictable.” Translation: He also throws a curveball.

Iwamura’s double means one thing…He won’t be forced out at second when Upton grounds to the shortstop.

TOP OF THE SIXTH

The President of Taco Bell is here to explain the rules on our free tacos. An Aussie is President of an American company that sells “Mexican” food. Now that’s Globalization!

BOTTOM OF THE SIXTH

Joe Maddon just said, “Bulls**t” on television.

Actually, Tim, that was his left foot.

McCarver has no faith in FOX TRAX. It showed the last pitch to Longoria as inside, but Tim said it MIGHT have been inside.

TOP OF THE SEVENTH

Joe Buck says J.P. Howell, a middle-reliever, is as valuable as anyone else on the Rays? He pitched in less than half of their games. That’s like saying William Henry Harrison was as valuable as FDR.

Cole Hamels can’t read?

Utley steals second…Do we get another taco? I’d settle for Cinnamon Twists.

McCarver says pitching out of the strike zone increases the chances of a wild pitch. Okay, but pitching in the strike zone increases the chances that Ryan Howard will clang a ball off one of the catwalks. You can’t win.

SEVENTH INNING STRETCH

isn’t it time to scrap this "God Bless America" thing? Wasn't that played out about four years ago? I mean, you’re watching a fairly entertaining ball game, things are moving right along, you’re getting geared up for a big finish, and then someone comes out and sings a song that you now associate with terrorist attacks. Talk about a downer

BOTTOM OF THE EIGHTH

Joe Buck: “Iwamura trying to reach in front of Upton.”

Me: “So we can see an inning ending double-play.”

GOOD LORD! It’s 11:25!! Why I’m I still awake?

BOTTOM OF THE NINTH

It’s an 0-2 count to the leadoff man and McCarver’s instructing us that the catcher is going to have to block balls in the dirt. Doesn't that go without saying? Isn't that what a catcher is supposed to do?

I hate good closers. They ruin all the chances for drama. Game 1 goes to the Phillies.

Joe Buck provides your Meaningless Stat of the Night: 28 years ago when the Phillies won the World Series, they won game One by one run. Thanks, Joe. Guess this Series is over!

I'm going to bed now.

????

2008-10-21T00:06:00.002-04:00

Here's South Carolina's Stephen Garcia being tackled, seemingly intentionally, but a referee...Wha??

Not Cool

2008-10-15T21:30:00.001-04:00

I still laugh my head off every time I see this....the original Geico Caveman commercial....

Good Sport

2008-10-05T20:42:00.005-04:00

I think I'm going to follow this girl's lead. I think it's time to give up sports.

My favorite line; "If all you're going to do is talk about your personal best...I'd really rather you die."

I Hate Sport

Back To Liverpool

2008-10-02T07:53:00.002-04:00

Arianna and I spent the last two days sick at home; fever, chills, sore throats. Ugh.
On Monday I drank so much orange juice trying to fend it off that I have a mouth FULL of canker sores. It's worse than the actual fever. The good news is I won't be able to eat anything until the sores heal so I'll probably lose some weight.

I also announced my birthday wish for this year; I'm collecting Bill Knapp's recipes (including the biscuits!) from the internet and I'm going to have a Bill Knapp's dinner (including the chocolate cake) for my Birthday! I'm even going to try to find Bing Crosby's "Happy Birthday" to play when they bring the cake to the table. And this year my meal is 37% off!! I wish one of the abandoned restaurants was available to rent so I could complete the atmosphere, but alas, I'll just have to use my imagination.

One

2008-09-19T21:06:00.003-04:00

I'm only picking one game this week...

Michigan State -8 Notre Dame

Notre Dame is 2-0, but they narrowly escaped a crummy San Diego State team and took advantage of the fantastically awful Michigan team who couldn't hold onto the football. Jimmy "The Next Ron Powlus" Claussen only completed 10 of 21 passes. This week they come back to Spartan Stadium where the MSU gift wrapped a comeback for the Irish two years ago. Not this year. The Spartans take the lead and don't look back...PICK: Spartans ROLL!!

ROFL

2008-09-14T20:00:00.002-04:00

Due to the incessant rainfall we couldn't go outside or visit the park so we went to Grand Rapids for lunch, a visit with Grandma Sharon, and to stretch our legs at the mall. We rarely go to the mall and when we do it isn't to buy the overpriced sweatshop goods they peddle; we go to ride the carousel.

After a tear filled ride on the carousel (There were no horses left when Arianna got on so she had to sit on a bench) we dashed through the rain to the car. As the girls and Jessica settled in and fell asleep I decided to see how our friends the Detroit Lions were doing. To my surprise they were leading by a point with 6 minutes left to play.

Before we were halfway home they had given up 24 straight points. On the final interception return I burst into uncontrollable laughter. I'm talking watery eyes, abdominal pain, I might have to pull the car over to compose myself hysterics.

They are now so awful that it has reached comical proportions. I've seen almost 30 years of the Lions snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, but I never dreamed what happened today would be possible for even them. Three interceptions in less than two minutes (two returned for touchdowns) is hard to fathom even for the Lions.

It's become so funny that I can hardly believe it.

I can't wait for more!

Pride Cometh Before A Fall

2008-09-14T08:36:00.003-04:00

YEESH!

After running my mouth about what I genius I am I had a rough day on the picks.

One win, 2 losses, and 2 "pushes." brings my yearly count to 10-3-2. As Triumph the Insult Comic Dog would say, "Not too shabby."

I Did A Double Back Flip

2008-09-12T18:35:00.000-04:00

Alright; I'm 9-1 in picks so far this year. I'm so awesome I can hardly stand it....Week 3....

Michigan State -17 Florida Atlantic

Florida Atlantic can score points, but it's supposed to rain. I think it will be low scoring. The Spartans win, but F.A.U. covers...PICK: Florida Atlantic

Penn State -27 Syracuse

Syracuse still has a football team? PICK: Penn State scoring at will.

Georgia -7 South Carolina

This one can't be a real line?? PICK: The Bulldogs

Michigan -1.5 Notre Dame

Two teams I loathe. Personally I hope they announce both schools have canceled their football programs. But I think Michigan is the "better" team. PICK: Michigan

Oregon -8.5 Purdue

Purdue isn't scaring anyone...PICK: The Ducks

With The First Pick In The 2009 NFL Draft; The Detroit Lions Select.....

2008-09-08T19:55:00.012-04:00

If the last seven seasons aren't enough evidence then yesterday's debacle in Atlanta should be all we need to bring charges.

I accuse the Detroit Lions of being a national disgrace.

Has the jury reached its verdict?

We have, Your Honor. We find the defendants guilty as charged!

It's clear that from top to bottom, owner down to water boy, that the Lions have absolutely no clue what they are doing. Zero. None. I would say they were the worst organization in sports, but that would imply that they are actually organized.

All you people who railed against the Wayne Fontes regime owe him an apology. That was the best we've ever seen in this neck of the woods. Since the Korean War anyway. How sad that this this is what's passed as professional football for a whole generation (or two).

I know, I know; You're a real fan. You bleed Honolulu Blue. You stick by the Lions through the Bad and Ugly (They don't have a "good.") You don't jump on bandwagons. You're loyal.

You're being stupid!

Suffering willingly is not a sign of character. It's juvenile.

Give up Lions fans. Find a team that shows a little passion when something goes wrong. A team that doesn't say, "We're going to go back and look at the tape" when the defense looks like they broke camp before they did any tackling drills.

Hey guys, we already looked at the tape and we've seen it before.

There's no happy ending.

This Here's The Rubber Duck

2008-09-05T19:45:00.002-04:00

WOO-HOO! Week One of the College Picks was a beautiful 5-0! How will Week 2 go?...

Michigan State -21 vs. Eastern Michigan

The Spartans did better than I thought they would on the road at California. If they are Michigan's Little Brother than Eastern is MSU's adopted second cousin. PICK: State in a rout.

Florida -19 vs. Miami

This is not the Miami of old. Florida is the new University of "Miami." (That doesn't make sense.) PICK: Florida

West Virginia -8 vs. Eastern Carolina

I'm not buying ECU. Their helmets are awful. PICK: West Virginia

Penn State -15 vs. Oregon State

Barack Obama likes the 'NITANLY LIONS'...That's good enough for me...PICK: Penn State

Boston College -7 vs. Georgia Tech

This one's for Uncle Jim. I'm picking GT just because they have the coolest nickname ever; The Rambling Wreck. PICK: Georgia Tech covers...maybe wins.

There you have it, folks. Remember...no wagering!

Oz Wants Their Bricks Back

2008-09-02T05:53:00.002-04:00

Our big end of summer weekend fell apart when Corinna came down with Strep Throat. We were hoping to go to the beach (which we haven't done all summer even though it's only about a five minute drive to the nearest public access), but the illness put a stop to that.

We did manage to do some spring cleaning and got the garage organized and accessible. I got rid of a bunch of junk lying around. I also stumbled upon our pup tent which I set up for the girls to play in. That suddenly turned into "Can we camp out in the backyard?" It sounded like fun except

1) The girls go to bed about two hours before I do.
2) I knew they would never sleep out there all night. Not yet anyway.

So I set up Arianna's pup tent in the living room and told her to try that first. She slept from 7:30 until about 11 when she woke up and decided to spend the rest of her night in the bedroom.

Today is the first day of school. Arianna was awake at 5:30 and asking to pack her lunch box. She loves school and I'm glad it's finally here. I've spent the last month hearing, "Only ___ more days until school starts, Daddy."

Tell Us Swami, What Do You See In Your Crystal Ball?

2008-08-29T18:00:00.002-04:00

Two years ago I was 22-2 picking college games against the spread. Let's get things rolling for the 2008 season with some easy, surefire, mortal locks for Week One of the NCAA...

Califorina -5 vs. Michigan State

Sorry Spartan Fans; MSU has lost 9 straight road games to PAC-10 teams. All they have on offense is Javon Ringer and he won't be enough. Jeff Tedford has never lost a game to the Big Ten. Michigan State is in over their heads.... PICK: Cal

Florida -13 vs. Hawaii

Hawaii was 12-1 last season and their only loss was a 41-10 drubbing against Georgia in the Sugar Bowl. Their luck doesn't improve as they fly halfway across the universe to get destroyed by Florida....PICK: Florida in a rout.

USC -17.5 vs Virginia

The Trojans have won 8 straight non-conference road games with the average margain of victory 25 points. And Virginia? Who do they have? Nobody. PICK: USC

Michigan -3 vs. Utah

Utah has won more games against BCS teams in the last 8 years than any other school...and Michigan has no playmakers...None. They are going to suck this year which is going to be wonderful and they are going to lose to Utah. PICK: Utah

Missouri -9 vs. Illinois

Someday people will wake up and realize the Big Ten just isn't any good when they aren't playing each other...Missouri was the only team to score 30 points or more in every regular season game in 2007. Quaterback Chase Daniel averaged 326 total yards of offense per game. Illinois 's QB Juice Williams can keep the Illini in the game, but it won't be enough. Missouri is the real deal...PICK: Missouri

There you go five can't miss picks. Week one is pretty easy. Things WILL get tougher..And remember these picks are for entertainment purposes only...NO WAGERING!!

The 4th "Annual" Maltby Family Croquet Championship

2008-08-24T22:34:00.005-04:00

The Finalists...
Originally uploaded by G Bev

Well, this might have been our most exciting tournament yet! Ross and I made our record fourth appearances in the finals; but could I finally win? Would Ross win his third straight championship? Would Uncle Jeff accuse anyone of cheating?

To follow the story of this year's tournament in photos go to my Flickr page for the tournament. Click on the first photo in the set (of Ross hitting the ball) and follow the pictures along with the descriptions for the whole exciting narrative.

You can also view it in slide show mode and click the "Info On" button at the top of the screen to see the photos in large format with the descriptions across the bottom of the page.

Top Five Wrestling Bad Guy Schticks

2008-08-14T22:28:00.004-04:00

You'll need a good half an hour to watch this post. Or you'll need to watch it in bursts.

I grew up during the "Golden Era" of professional wrestling. I guess that's not saying much, but the bad guys (known as "heels" in the business) were always more entertaining than the "faces." And the interviews and promos were always better than the actual wrestling. Without further ado here's my top five list (with video) of the best Bad Guy Schticks from the Golden Era...

#5 : "Ravishing" Rick Rude...He was famous for entering the ring and doing this....

#4: The Honky Tonk Man

He was originally supposed to be a "Face," but the idea of an Elvis impersonating wrestler was so stupid that people shunned him. The turned him into a "heel" and he turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to wrestling.

#3: "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair

Great hair, great sunglasses, and, WOOOO!, the coolest guy ever to hit the ring.

#2: "Rowdy" Roddy Piper

He wore a kilt, came to the ring accompanied by bag pipes, played his role to the craziest heights, and he had this famous encounter with Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka...

#1: "Macho Man" Randy Savage

No one was better on the microphone, more arrogant, more athletic, or funnier than the Macho Man. He may also be clinically insane. (And possibly a Muppet.) Witness his interview after beating Tito Santana for the Intercontinental Championship.

and then watch Macho Man in a special interview by his pool..Classic.

Shikago

2008-08-04T05:35:00.002-04:00

Sears Tower, originally uploaded by G Bev.

This past weekend we took our yearly trek to the Chicago area. We began in Naperville where we ate lunch at Las Palmas Mexican Restaurant then went to the Naper Settlement. It's a "Living History" attraction of old buildings from the 19th Century. The volunteers are all in period costumes and give tours of each building. There are also printer's and blacksmith's shops where they demonstrate the craft.

Arianna's favorite was the one room schoolhouse where they conducted an actual school lesson complete with an overzealous and domineering schoolmaster who called recess a waste of time and said, "No one will ever pay anyone to play games!"

We also made our annual visit to the Brookfield Zoo where we met up with Jessica's friend Shannon from Milwaukee. We then topped things off with a walk around downtown Chicago. After showing the girls the Sears Tower and telling them it was the tallest building in the city they still asked if each building we passed was taller than the Sears Tower.

You Decide When To Wax Your Cheese

2008-07-29T04:49:00.001-04:00

IMG_2076, originally uploaded by G Bev.

We spent our 11th wedding anniversary Sunday by taking our annual trip to Holland's main tourist trap, Dutch Village. We sampled cheese and fudge ($7.95 per lb. !!!!), slid down the slide from the top of the giant wooden shoe, completed the scavenger hunt, let the girls try on some Dutch costumes, watched the Klompendancers (including the famous "flying shoe" gag), and rode the carousel.

For some reason Arianna freaked out on the carousel and kept screaming, "I'm going to fall off! I'm going to fall off!" so I had to rescue her by yanking her from her horse with one arm while holding Corinna on her horse with the other.

My personal favorite was the demonstration of Dutch candle making which honestly had me amazed.

Afterwards we got bloated on pizza, root beer, and shakes from Steak and Shake.

It's Like A Kind Of Torture

2008-07-22T12:52:00.002-04:00

Watch as Statler and Waldorf rip Milton Berle apart. Classic.

All-Star Scorecard

2008-07-16T13:30:00.002-04:00

All-Star Scorecard, originally uploaded by G Bev.

I love to keep score when I'm watching baseball games. I've even designed my own scorebook. I've never tried to score an All-Star Game before because with all the substitutions it is a lot of work to keep up with what is going on. This year I thought I'd give it a try and of course both teams used every player and the game went 15 innings.

Here's a scan of the American League side of the card through 8 innings. When I get a chance I'll scan how it looks now, but as you can see I did an outstanding job of keeping up with all the lineup changes.

To see it in detail and close up you'll need to click on the picture and then zoom in on it when it takes you to the Flickr page.

Two Thumbs Up

2008-07-14T20:19:00.002-04:00

IMG_1963, originally uploaded by G Bev.

Yet another Maltby family gathering, this time in honor of the Arndt's who are visiting from the Red Earth of Georgia. We played paddle ball in the pool, ate food, dove through the middle of an inner tube, ate more food, slid through the tube off the slide, ate food, celebrated John Arndt's 11th birthday, ate some cake, drew names for Christmas gift exchanging, ate some more food, made fun of Ross, and ate dinner. I think I heard some people talking about Spartan football games; I might have imagined that though.

Phil gave the whole thing a positive review and you can see the photos by going to my Flickr page. Make sure you go to the Maltby Gathering July 13, 2008 set and view it in slide show mode to watch the diving action shots.

Price Includes All Memories

2008-06-19T19:33:00.002-04:00

So our house will be going up for sale soon. We meet with our realty guy next Wednesday to work out a plan of action. Houses aren't selling very well as you know so we're not sure how it will go, but I'm not going to just give the place away. We don't HAVE to sell it, but we want to try because....

...my wife and children are driving almost two hours a day to get to work and, in the fall, to school. Since three of them need to go further away we figured we should sell, move closer to where they need to go, and then I can drive the longer distance to work.

Wish us luck....

It's A Radiation Vibe I'm Groovin' On

2008-06-17T19:01:00.003-04:00

Fathers' Day was pretty low key. I bought lunch (Texas Corral) for Jessica's parents and my brood. The waitress got virtually none of the orders correct, but we didn't really care. Then I showed the kids what a pinball machine is. I love pinball...

After putting the kids to bed I sat down to watch the end of the U.S. Open, cheered like a little kid when Tiger hit the 12 foot putt to tie, and scoffed in disgust when I found out the playoff would be Monday. You've got the whole world sitting there watching during prime time; so you hold a playoff on Monday when everyone is back at work? So when it's tied after 18 THEN you go to sudden death anyway? Why bother with another round of 18 if you're only going to do what you should have done the night before? SHEESH!

That was it. It was nice.

My Baby Drove Up In A Brand New Cadillac

2008-06-09T07:35:00.001-04:00

It would figure that I would be on call the weekend of the worst storms of the year. Saturday night was actually pretty quiet. I did deliver some equipment to a spot called Spyglass Hill...basically a really high point right on the lake that only "people of means" are allowed access to. I got there right when the storms were rolling in off the lake so I got to watch lightning striking Lake Michigan which was really, well, for lack of a better adjective, cool! Of course they invited me to stay for dinner (and I couldn't refuse that) so I didn't get back outside until it was a full blown hurricane. I got friggin' soaked. Surprisingly no one called that night with emergencies.

Sunday was a bit different. I didn't get too many calls, but an assisted living home had flooded and they were moving residents to another home about 15 miles away. So I was dispatched to move medical equipment for six residents. Mostly really heavy stuff. So I was busy from about noon until 6 p.m. I managed to get help from one of my co-workers and he wouldn't even let me buy him dinner..not even a soda. What a jerk!

Eat Here And Get Gas

2008-06-04T20:05:00.013-04:00

Finances have improved so we were able to clear a "Greg and Jessica" weekend. The kids went to Jessica's parents and we just started driving.

DAY ONE:

Friday afternoon we found ourselves in Kokomo, Indiana. We've been through there several times before so it's really nothing new for us. Dinner was at "Outback" which is one of the most phony restaurants around, but they have great burgers. It's one of those places we reserve for meals when the kids aren't around; a sanctuary if you will.

The nice lady from AAA found a cheap and clean hotel room for us and we checked in just as it started raining. A check of the weather on television revealed that not only was it raining, but there were tornado warnings all over the area. I went downstairs and stood in the outside entryway to take a look. It was still light enough that I noticed the sky was green and thunder and lighting were bursting almost non-stop. There was a rather rotund Hillbilly standing with me and I said, "I guess there are tornado warnings all around us."

"I ain't worried," he said, "Ain't nuthin' we can do to stop it anyway."

That was good enough for me so I convinced Jessica that we ought to do what any rational human being would do during a tornado warning; head down to the indoor pool for swim. We had the place all to ourselves and really gave the storm outside very little thought. Even though we could see the whole thing raging through the windows.

DAY TWO:

We slept in until about 10 a.m. then continued on to Indianapolis. Halfway there we pulled off to the side of the road (with about 30 other cars) to watch a helicopter known as an "Air Crane"as it lifted and lowered heating and cooling units onto the roof of construction site.

At Indianapolis my interest in famous dead people led me to drag Jessica off to Crown Hill Cemetery. It's the third largest cemetery in the United States and there are over 180 "Famous" burials on the grounds. Included is Benjamin Harrison, the 23rd President of the United States. (That's me standing over his remains in the photo below.) He's probably third or fourth on the list of most famous people buried there. My personal favorite is James Baskett who portrayed Uncle Remus in Walt Disney's rarely seen movie Song of the South.

Other notables are James Whitcomb Riley ("The Hoosier Poet"), former Baltimore/Indy Colts owner Robert Irsay, author Booth Tarkington, Richard Gatling (inventor of the Gatling Gun), bank robber John Dillinger, racing pioneer Erwin "Canonball" Baker, three U.S. Vice Presidents, and 16 Civil War generals.

After the cemetery we visited President Harrison's home. (Visiting historic homes is another one of my little eccentricities.) Our tour group included three "gay" guys and an elderly woman and her two daughters. One room included a display about past Presidential campaigns and the old lady threw a fit because there was nothing on display about Theodore Roosevelt. The tour guide tried to explain that she just gave the tours and it was up to the curator to put displays together. "He was a great man! And a great president!" she kept saying...over and over again. Her daughters tried to keep her calm, but for the rest of the tour she kept bringing up her displeasure with the slight to TR. She also seemed to have nothing but negative things to say about everything the tour guide pointed out. Her daughters were pretty exasperated. (Sounds kind of familiar somehow.)

That night we drove all the way back to South Bend and stayed in a hotel overrun by Notre Dame alumni in for a reunion weekend. As I strolled around the lobby and the hallways I quietly hummed the Michigan State fight song. I don't think anyone noticed, but Jessica told me to quit being a jerk. (THEY are the jerks...not me.)

Jessica fell asleep pretty early so I spent the evening watching the Red Wings game. It was hard to not yelp and yell as I tried to quietly flail around at every tense and close moment of the game. It was quite a nerve wracking finish to a relaxing weekend.

And here's one last roadside photo. It pretty much speaks for itself....

Test Your Sharpshooting Skills

2008-05-28T06:16:00.005-04:00

It goes without saying that I'm Kim's favorite cousin. Just look at the title of this silly blog! Isn't that proof enough? But below you'll see why Kim is my favorite cousin; She's generous enough to devote most of her Memorial Day to keeping my children occupied and out of my hair. And they love her for it maybe more than I do.

Thanks, Kimbo!

Handsome Kevin Got A Little Off Track

2008-05-20T20:56:00.003-04:00

Okay, the hype machine is in full force tonight. They built it up like a heavyweight fight, but it was no contest.

Neither guy is really that great, but I'd say Archuleta is the clear winner. (The little creep!) He's a better singer, but it's painful to watch him. Cook's voice is okay, but he's a better performer. Simon was sort of right...the songs for Cook weren't big enough. But it doesn't matter; They'll both sell a couple of records and no one will care about them next year.

Hopefully they'll do a a duet of "Welcome To The Boomtown" on the results show tomorrow. That would be appropriate and awesome!

"Chinaman" Is Not The Preferred Nomenclature

2008-05-13T21:13:00.001-04:00

Well, it was clear that they're trying to set things up for David Cook to win, but even though he had the "best" night...he still sucked. I never bought into the "Our most talented Top 24" hype and I can see why. The top 3 are pretty sad. Even Syesha's attempts to "sex" things up were a failure.

And I'm sure Diane Warren was only smiling because she was getting royalties for David Cook's performance. When you sing worse than Steven Tyler then you know you are in trouble.

Don't Get Caught Watching The Paint Dry

2008-05-07T07:10:00.000-04:00

I'll keep this really simple. Syesha Mercado has lived up to the reputation I gave her from the beginning and is now clearly the best performer of the bunch. She's the only one who now looks, sounds, and acts like a star.The Davids are pretty much the same as they have been from the early rounds (Archuleta is nothing but a child who can hit a few notes here and there) and Jason Castro hit new lows last night.

If Castro moves on and Syesha goes home then there is no justice.

My future American Idol viewership depends on the results tonight. Like Jimmy Chitwood in Hoosiers. "If Syesha stays; I stay...if she goes I go."

That's all.

Wanna See Something Really Scary?

2008-04-29T21:25:00.002-04:00

This is Wade Korpi. He's a pitcher for Notre Dame...and he's still alive.

Pack Up The Babies and Grab The Old Ladies...

2008-04-29T20:02:00.005-04:00

It's Neil Diamond Night on American Idol!!

Jason Castro - Forever In Blue Jeans

I'd much rather he be forever off my television screen. He cannot and I mean CAN NOT sing a lick.

David Cook - I'm Alive

This was pretty blah. You have to pick a song people know. How about "Heartlight?" Wouldn't you just love to see David Cook do a rock version of a song about E.T.?

Brooke White - I'm A Believer

This was pretty bad. Kind of a mixed Dolly Parton and Monkees tribute gone seriously wrong. I'm NOT a believer in Brooke. Not anymore.

David Archuleta - Sweet Caroline

Terrible. This was absolute blasphemy. He tore this sacred ode to pieces. He's only good when he's in "Heal The World" mode. Sadly, he'll move on because the girls are blinded by his false humility and his baby face.

Syesha Mercado - Hello Again

She may not be a fantastic singer (there are hundreds like her), but she's a lot better than the rest of these clowns. She's good, but not always memorable.

(Wow. Paula has hit a new low. She judged Jason Castro's second song before he even sang it. Simon was right on the money. They were all pretty bad.)

ROUND TWO

Jason Castro - September Morn

Ugh. More of the same. To quote one of my former pastors, "Sing it like you mean it!" I didn't believe it at all. PLEASE people! Stop voting for him! I'm begging you!

David Cook - All I Ever Really Need Is You

O.K....Just stop..bring Neil out here and put us out of our misery. This is the top five? I guess he was O.K., but who cares? We don't want O.K. at this point. We want great! It wasn't brilliant, Simon...it was just O.K.

Brooke White - I Am I Said

Much better than her first go. I'm with Randy..it was a "nice job." This is her thing. She's good behind the piano, but not great. (Since when is Arizona on the coast?)

David Archuleta - America

This was something you would see on the Fantasyland stage at Disney World circa 1986. Get back to school, you're gonna be late for trigonometry you little twirp. He was okay, but he's not great.

Syesha Mercado - Thank The Lord For The Night Time

Thank the Lord for the end of the show. I like Syesha, but by the time they got to her I was just glad the show was over. She was good, but this night was just abysmal.

The Top 3 (I say this loosely)

1. Syesha Mercado
2. Brooke White (by virtue of her second performance)

I'm pretty sure that no one agrees with me and Syesha will be gone. Even though I think she's clearly the overall most versatile of the group. Jason Castro should have been gone months ago, but here he is and here he will stay even though he was easily the worst both times out. David Archuleta wasn't very good at all, but we know he's not going anywhere. David Cook is kind of wearing thin. I'm pretty sure the final three will be all the boys.

I'm going to go read now.

Oh What A Circus

2008-04-22T21:08:00.003-04:00

Andrew Lloyd Webber Night..Tonight we learn who is truly talented. The uno number one question is; Will anyone have the guts to sing "The Rum Tum Tugger?"

Syesha Mercado - One Rock and Roll Too Many from Starlight Express

Yeah! Now that's what I'm talkin' about! I'm voting tonight and I'm voting for my girl Syesha! Having a Broadway night was a fastball down the middle for her. (I loved it...it was much better than Cats...I'm going to see it again and again.)

Jason Castro - Memory from Cats

Way to go Jason. Even Baron Lloyd Weber thought this was a crappy idea. Too big a song...for too big a dork. Nails on a chalkboard...for two minutes. It might have been good enough for a Dr. Robert Oster production, but not for me. (You let down your people, Jason..You were supposed to have been immortal...that's all they wanted...not much to ask for...but in the end you did not deliver.)

Brooke White - You Must Love Me from Evita: The Motion Picture

Where's Patti LuPone when you need her?....Ehhh...Not good at the start...okay in the middle. It wasn't natural. She seemed uncomfortable and was forcing it....It didn't work. Danger, Dr. Smith...Danger..She might be done...

David Archuleta - Think Of Me from Phantom of the Opera

I wish a chandelier would have fallen on him! I can't stand him or the fact that he's a pretty good singer. He's no Sarah Brightman, but this was pretty good. Darn it. I wanted him to stink. (I thought for sure he would sing Any Dream Will Do.)

Carly Smithson - Superstar from Jesus Christ Superstar

Thank God they let Webber actually put time into helping them and keep her away from that contrived first choice she made. Yeah! Get down, girlfriend! Really good...not great, but this was a much better song for her.

David Cook - Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera

I liked it...He was no Doug LaBrecque, but it worked. Good show....

The Top 3
1. Syesha Mercado
2. David Archuleta
3. Carly Smithson/David Cook

The good news is Jason sucked again. The bad news is girls still like him and Brooke White was worse. She's going home.

Walk Softly On This Heart of Mine

2008-04-22T06:27:00.003-04:00

Random Musings...

**One of my fellow "delivery technicians" had a really bad day yesterday. In the morning he was reprimanded for shoddy paperwork (It only took them four years to say something to him), in the afternoon a lady called in to complain about his driving (she even took down his license plate number), and just before closing time another customer called to inform the boss that this guy is no longer allowed to make deliveries to his house because he does such a crappy job. (This is the second customer in the last year to make this request.) He's pretty much the laziest, least productive, and most bumbling co-worker I've ever had, but for some reason it's always been laughed off as that's just the way he is.

**I have to go to a banquet Thursday night at Jessica's place of employment. I hate banquets. I hate schmoozing. But I love my wife so I'm going without complaint; to her anyway.

**Doesn't it seem like the Maltby family should all start saving money for a big family vacation to Disney World in a couple of years? That would be sweet.

**Phil Maltburg told me back at Easter time that he already had one song selected for the Maltby Cousins 2008 play list. (That reminds me...I still have to send Emily, Daniel, and John their Christmas presents. Oops!) Phil seems to really enjoy this project...although he says he never gets to really enjoy it because my favorite cousin keeps it in her car all the time. Anyway, Phil's proclamation has had me thinking about my selections for this year as well. I've already narrowed it down to about 50 songs. Somehow I have to reduce that to three. Maybe we'll expand to four songs this year?

**Ever since my favorite cousin and I started these blogs there has been zero action on the Maltby Cousins message board. I mean ZERO! I'll have to go in there and stir things up a bit.

Appy Polly Loggies

2008-04-18T06:45:00.002-04:00

Even though I had to drop out of the Lansing 5K I still kept up my running regimen. The big problem has still been finishing each run with pain in my right leg, but this Sunday things got worse.

I was supposed to run 1/2 mile intervals with 1/4 walks in between. The first 1/2 mile went well, but during the second run I began losing energy very quickly. I wasn't sure what the problem was, because I hadn't been having any energy or stamina issues at all. Running a 1/2 mile shouldn't have been an issue since I've pretty much already been doing it for a week or so already.

After 1/4 mile of the second leg I just couldn't go on. In fact I collapsed into a heap next to the track until I got my breath back. Later that afternoon I started feeling some mild dizziness and then around 5 p.m. I began feeling flushed. By 8 p.m. I had a fever of 99 to 100. I went to bed right away and woke up the next morning covered in sweat. My fever was gone.

But then around noon the dizziness started again and by 6 p.m. the fever and flushed feeling returned. To bed early again and again I felt fine in the morning. This cycle continued through Wednesday night until yesterday when I finally felt better. Now the fever is gone, but I feel really tired and haven't had enough energy to start running again.

Of course I received an offer to pay the entry fee to the Lansing 5K for me and my entire brood (yes, Phil, I said, brood), but because of the setback I know I won't be ready to go by then. I appreciate the generous offer (from my favorite relative of all-time, might I add), but I had to decline. No sense having them spend the money only to watch me crawl to the finish line while Nate calls me the biggest clown in the race. (No, he wouldn't do that. To me anyway. He'd probably say it to Phil.)

We Are Not A Codfish

2008-04-17T21:38:00.007-04:00

Kim refused to tag me for this, but I'm doing it anyway.

FOUR JOBS
1) Grocery Bagger – DeJongh’s Market, Clarksville, MI
This was my first job ever. I also sliced meat at the meat counter (makes sense) I was also in charge of stocking the bottles of soda (always “flat”)
2) Burger King
My manager regarded me as one of her model employees. As a token of appreciation she let me date and then marry one of her assistants.
3) Corn Detassler
I only did it for one summer, but I remember for the first week I was dreaming of detasseling all night long. Some of my money was used to buy the Andrew “Dice” Clay tape “The Day the Laughter Died.” I was enraged that Annie made us watch the Hulk Hogan movie No Holds Barred just about every day.
4) Foam Press Operator
A what? Well, basically what I did was run a machine that made large rolls of foam used in the manufacture of electrodes for EKG machines. I don’t miss this one at all.

FOUR MOVIES I'VE WATCHED MORE THAN ONCE
I’ve seen dozens and dozens of movies more than once, but these are among the most prevelant.

1) Star Wars
I lost count at 43 viewings, but I’ve probably seen it 30 to 40 times since then. (But I haven't watched it in five or six years.)
2) Annie Hall
My favorite movie ever…even above Star Wars
3) This Is Spinal Tap
“Hello, Cleveland! Hello, Cleveland!”
4) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

FOUR PLACES I HAVE LIVED
1) Metairie, Louisiana (It’s pretty much gone since Katrina)
2) Middletown, New York
3) Santee, California
4) Teaneck, New Jersey
(It was also the hometown of Rick Nelson, The Isley Brothers, Dave Winfield, and Bob McGrath from Sesame Street.)

FOUR TV SHOWS I WATCH
1) American Idol
That’s it. I used to watch “The Office,” but the first three episodes this year failed to make me laugh even once so I stopped. I also used to watch “House,” but it’s pretty much the same thing every week. It got old.

FOUR PLACES I HAVE BEEN
By places I assume the mean “countries” or “states,” but I’m going to go by landmarks or events.
1) Graceland
2) The Ponderosa Ranch from Bonanza
3) Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
4) The Roy Rogers Museum (before it moved from Victorville, CA to Branson, MO)

FOUR PEOPLE WHO EMAIL ME REGULARLY
1) My pastor
2) Barack Obama Campaign Headquarters (I don’t know how or why this happened, but I get at least one email a day from them)
3) My Online Billing Reminder People
4) Hundreds of "companies" who say they can help make my penis bigger.
(Please note: No one in my family made the list.)

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
1) General Tso’s Chicken
2) Mom’s Meatloaf
3) The entire Thanksgiving Day spread
4) Bill Knapp’s Chicken Fricassee (*sniffle*)

FOUR PLACES I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT
1) The Ryman Auditorium, Nashville, TN
2) The remaining Major League Ballparks I haven't been to. (I've been to 16 so far)
3) The U.S. Presidents' graves I haven't been to. (I've been to six; Jackson, Lincoln, Ford, FDR, Harding, Taylor)
4) Almost all of Europe

FOUR THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IN THE NEXT YEAR
1) W’s “Economic Stimulis Package” (In my case that means; “Two months worth of mortgage payments.”)
2) Avoiding foreclosure
3) My 2009 Income Tax Return
4) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Hard Times Come Again No More

2008-04-10T09:03:00.002-04:00

Darn.

Our car had to undergo a seriously expensive repair yesterday. Normally we hit a financial crunch in mid November. Now with this expense, less hours at work, and an economy teetering on the edge of a cliff we are in a tight spot and it isn't even the middle of April yet.

Uncle George's "Economic Stimulus" in May will help, but our budget has now become even tighter than normal. That means no extras. NO extras. No trips to Captain Sundae. No Tiger games. No occasional bottles of Cherry Coke. And, yep, you guessed it, no 5K at the end of April.

Bummer.

What a drag.

Frowny faces everywhere.

One tear.

But I'm going to keep running and hopefully things will improve financially by the time the Detroit Marathon rolls around.

Hard times come again no more.

Ouch

2008-04-07T21:17:00.002-04:00

So, I've been having a setback with my running. My stamina is really good and beginning later this week I start running a mile without a break and at the end of next week I'm supposed to go two miles without stopping. The only problem is that I'm having severe pains in my right calf. No matter how much I stretch or how hydrated I am by the time I finish I'm limping like mad. I've tried to give it a couple of extra days off a few times, but it still gives me grief. Ugh! And I have to run a 5K in 3 weeks!

I'll need some luck.

And go Kansas! If they win then I win the illustrious Maltby Family Tournament Pick 'Em! GO JAYHAWKS!

Remember When We Said 'Girl, Please Don't Go?'

2008-04-02T20:11:00.004-04:00

It's finally here! NKOTB are REBORN!

Set your TIVO for the Today Show on Friday for the New Kids first appearnce in over 15 years!!!!

The Ghost of Rusty Staub

2008-04-01T06:42:00.004-04:00

Thanks to the generosity of a friend I received an essentially free trip to Opening Day at Comerica Park. He wouldn't let me pay for the ticket or the gas, but I did force him to let me buy him a Chicago style hot dog (in Detroit?). I kept notes through out the day so here's the round up.

*Add Tiger Stadium to the enormous collection of decrepit eyesores on the Detroit skyline. The place is literally falling apart...just like the city. Detroit is easily the most depressing and sorry looking place in America. The idea that a new ballpark can revitalize and area must be a myth, because you don't even have to leave your seat to see how bombed out the area is.

*There was an incredibly awful 80's band playing a small stage near the main entrance. They all look to be about my age ("ancient" is the word my cousin Ann used) and they didn't dress or harmonize well at all. (They were playing Ah-Ha's "Take On Me" when we arrived and had just started "Little Red Corvette" when we moved on.

*The allegedly sold out crowd (there were a lot of empty seats) was mostly 25-50 year old men. Opening Day appears to be mainly for guys who take the day off from work, get drunk, and cause 20 minute lines at the men's room. The ladies rooms had no lines at all. One guy apparently couldn't wait so he went right to the corner of the men's room and urinated on the wall. Nice.

*There was a fighter jet "fly over" after the "Star Spangled Banner," and we could hear the planes, but we never actually saw them. They sounded like they were right over our head, but they never came over the stadium. They were either up in the clouds or they buzzed Tiger Stadium by mistake.

*The Tigers' lineup has been billed as "The Greatest Offense Ever" by some sportswriters. They managed to leave two runners on base in the first and second, and had the bases loaded in the third, but only scored one run on a walk. They hit two home runs with the bases empty.

*In the third inning someone two sections over pulled out an inflatable penis that was about three feet long and started tossing it around like beach ball. Someone heaved it down into the lower deck and we never saw it again...thank God.

*In the fouth inning one of the guys sitting next to me pointed out the Verlander hadn't allowed a hit. The next batter singled to left-field. Everyone knows you're not supposed to mention a no-hitter in progress so we all blamed him. His friend even called him a really awful name that I won't reprint here.

*Brandon Inge, normally a third-baseman, made the greatest throw I've ever seen from the outfield in the 1th inning to cut down the tying run. The very next batter hit the ball to him and he had another chance to throw the runner out, but he had to barehand the ball in order to have time to make the throw and he dropped the ball. He wouldn't have gotten the second guy so I wouldn't blame him.

*Prediction that came true; I predicted that Miguel Cabrera would hit his first Tigers home run and that it would land on top of the the little "dugout" in the bullpens. BINGO!

*After the game I went to the gift shop to buy something to bring home to the girls. I decided on the foam tiger claws. There was no price tag, but I figured foam couldn't be that expensive so I grabbed them and headed to the register.

CLERK: That will be $30 please.
ME: (horrified) Are you kidding me?
CLERK: No, they're $15 a piece.
CLERK#2: Do you want just one, then?
ME: No. I don't want either of them.

I folded the wallet and walked away. Quite a scam those gift shops.

You can see the photos right here

Three Blind Mice

2008-03-31T21:34:00.001-04:00

Belated American Idol Recap:

2008-03-23T21:10:00.003-04:00

By request of Phil...My review of last weeks American Idol. I forgot to post it.

Okay, I love the Beatles, but I'm glad they'll be moving on to something else next week.

Amanda Overmeyer -- Back In The U.S.S.R.
She's got one mode, but she's kind of growing on me. It wasn't great, but I liked it. (She's still a fraud, though)

Kristy Lee Cook - You've Got To Hide Your Love Away
Not bad, not great, not horrible, not unique. Just a good enough performance to probably save her for one more week.

David Archuleta - The Long And Winding Road
He sounds ten times better on ballads then on songs like "Shop Around" and "We Can Work It Out." He's a good singer, but he's not a good entertainer.

Michael Johns - A Day In The Life
A stale, Poor Man's Jim Morrison. I don't get this guy at all. Get rid of him already.

Brooke White - Here Comes The Sun
She freely admits that she's stiff without her guitar or piano. But I realized I was grinning from ear to ear while I watched her. (Darn it! Paula was right about something. You can't help but smile at Brooke!) I liked it better than the judges. She's the "authentic" one; not Amanda.

David Cook - Day Tripper
He was getting a little cocky (Simon was right), but I don't understand why they tell certain people "Stick with what you're good at" and then tell other people "That was a bit predictable." This guy is a rocker...That's what he is good at and gosh darn it that's what we want him to do! He'll have a hit album whether he wins or not.

Carly Smithson - Blackbird
I'm not sold on her. She's pretty good, I guess, but there's something odd about her. (Other than the way she looks)

Jason Castro - Michelle
This was like a Brady Bunch Variety Hour deleted scene. Corny and boring. And the kid is an absolute dork!

Syesha Mercado - Yesterday
She could sing me the menu from Waffle House and I'd be satisfied. Nice comeback from last week. She almost went over the top with her emoting, but she was really good.

Chikeze - I've Just Seen A Face
This week he did it backwards. He finished with the country thing after starting in Pop Ballad mode. The harmonica didn't work at all. I sort of liked the country thing at the end, but overall I think it was, as Simon would say "a mess."

Ramiele Mulabay - I Should Have Known Better
Week after week...She's cute, she sings pretty well, she's got a little bit of charm, but she's not a star.

The Top 3

1. David Archuleta
2. Syesha Mercado
3. David Cook

Honorable Mention goes to Brooke White for being genuine and making me smile. As for the other seven go ahead and can them all now for all I care.

Boycott Sal's

2008-03-18T23:24:00.011-04:00

It is common practice during the Spring months to find me dragging my family to a distant locale. (The Smoky Mountains, the Black Hills, the boyhood home of a dead U.S. President, a Waffle House in Northern Kentucky) This year, however I've had to restrain myself since...

1) We are in Phase Two of kitchen remodeling

2) The Oil Shortage (wink, wink, Eh, George W.?)

3) Hours are being cut at work.

4) I just want to relax for once.

So rather than grind my teeth as my inquisitive daughters hurl question after question at me from the back seat of a rental car, we've decided to stay home, chill out, and spend some time close to home. The weather is still not the greatest but we're relaxing. We were supposed to go see the Butterflies at the Fredrick Meijer Gardens, but we postponed that trip for another day.

But what good is vacation time without some eating out? Jessica has been craving some pizza; good pizza from a real pizza parlor so we visited Fricano's in Holland. We've never been there before, but I"ve heard from friends that it's the place to go for real pizza. That's their menu to the left. You can only get a 12" pizza with thin crust. Each topping is 50 cents. We got two medium pizzas and four drinks for $19! It wasn't mind blowing stuff, but it hit the spot.

The normal topping of choice for the girls is black olives. But as you can see from the photo they don't have that option. The waitress got nervous that we might want to leave and go to Pizza Hut. Then we got our drinks and the Sprite for the girls didn't have any syrup. It was just the carbonated water. Corinna didn't care because she was just excited that we let her drink something fizzy. The waitress corrected the error, but I think she was worried that we weren't going to ever come back. But the pizza was good and we're pretty laid back. It would take some serious errors to make us stay away. Espeically if it's a place that serves Cherry Coke by giving you a regular Coke with Grenadine syrup!

Run, Baby, Run!

2008-03-12T22:14:00.003-04:00

Night two of the running thing went well. Halfway through my 2o minutes I felt things weren't going so well, but I caught my second wind during my last two minutes of running and even stretched my last minute another 15 seconds.

I'm already enjoying myself and felt pretty strong afterwards. My shins are a little sore..as are my thighs and my glutes, but nothing I can't deal with.

American Idol Review:The Top 12; Part 1

2008-03-11T20:43:00.003-04:00

**New opening and new set?; Big deal! It doesn’t look that different nor does it add anything to the formula. I guess they were thinking it was getting stale. It was, but it had more to do with the talent (or lack thereof) that they have trotted out the last couple of seasons.

Pre Performance Thoughts

**Thank God the two villains, Danny Noriega and Kady Malloy were ousted last week. Now it’s just down to who will push David Archuleta to the brink.

**Lennon/McCartney song book…Hopefully they choose some of the good songs…That shouldn’t be hard. There weren’t too many bad ones. But I’m sure someone is going to butcher a few of them…(Randy says L & M “put it down.” What Paula said was incomprehensible as usual.) Here we go!!

Syesha Mercado – Got To Get You into My Life
She did the Earth, Wind, and Fire version (as expected) She didn’t have enough energy to match the band, but she sang really well. I like her a lot and I think she's the best singer, but she needs to put more "performance" into her performance.

Chikezie – She’s A Woman
A Kenyan wearing an argyle sweater and a tie doing a half bluegrass/half rock version of a Beatles tune; I didn’t like it as much as the judges, but it was fun and entertaining.

Ramiele Mulabay – In My Life
It was pretty straightforward performance and this song has been beaten to death. Again…She’s cute and she can sing, but is there a Pop Star in there somewhere? I haven’t seen it so far. I didn’t think it was as boring as the judges thought, but it’s hard to follow a manic performance with a soft ballad.

Jason Castro – If I Fell
This was the same thing Ramiele did, but he played the guitar and girls think he’s cute so no one was bored. It was nice; but nothing special. He’s a One Trick Pony; he sits on a stool and sings broody songs and all the girls get dreamy eyed and vote for him. I get more and more bored with him each week. And I didn’t think it was possible to be more bored than I was the first time around. (Would you pay to watch this kid sit on a stool and play the guitar for two hours? Me neither.)

Carly Smithson - Come Together
This was the song I thought Amanda was going to sing. I don’t understand why she got a standing ovation and I didn’t think it was any better than any other cover of this song I’ve heard. It was good, but I’m not handing her the prize just yet.

David Cook - Eleanor Rigby
He looked like the lead actor in a movie about a vampire who doubles as a rock star (Didn’t Ann Rice write a book about that?) However, looks aside, this was a great angry rock take on a great song about loneliness. I really liked it a lot. This guy has turned out to be a huge surprise to me. Look out….

American Idol Review: Top 12; Part 2

2008-03-11T20:42:00.001-04:00

Brooke White – Let It Be
(This is the song I thought Archuleta would sing.) I thought she should build to a bigger end then she did, but Paula and Simon said it best; it seemed heartfelt and believable. Very good.

David Hernandez – I Saw Her Standing There
There’s a catalog full of fantastic Beatles songs, but eventually someone comes to this one and I always wonder why. I’ve never liked it much. His cheesy (Simon said “corny”) performance didn’t help. He can sing well, but he’s too “cabaret” as Simon would say. This wasn’t very good.

Amanda Overmeyer – You Can’t Do That
(May I remind you that this girl is a phony? Hernandez performs over the top, but her whole image is over the top. I’m not buying it at all.) Having said all that I thought she was really good. (Yeah, Paula, SHUT UP! At least Simon waits until you’re done talking to tell you how stupid you are! :-) )

Michael Johns – Across the Universe
(Man, they wrote some great songs!) He was good, but he didn’t “come strong” though. I’m still waiting for him to do something big.

Kristy Lee Cooke – Eight Days A Week
For the second straight week I forgot she was still around. I have no problem with her going country (I love country music...the real stuff), but I think she picked the wrong song and went “too country.” She seemed like was struggling to keep up with the band the whole time.

David Archuleta – We Can Work It Out
He did the Stevie Wonder version...and he choked. He forgot the words at least three times and he didn’t sing very well. He sort of recovered at the end, but I couldn’t overlook the fact that he got a big chicken bone stuck in his throat. He's the golden boy though, so I'm sure he'll still be here next week.

The Top 3

1. David Cook
2. Brooke White
3. Amanda Overmeyer

Michael Johns was pretty good, Chikezie was fun (but he almost went too far), and Syesha sang well, but didn't really perform. Most likely to go are Kristy Lee, David Hernandez, and Ramiele.

Running Down A Dream

2008-03-10T20:30:00.006-04:00

We were gone most of the day Sunday eating healthful lunches at the mall's food court (Bourbon Chicken and a Dairy Queen blizzard.) So naturally I had to postpone my first day of 5K training until today. But after we put the kids to bed there was plenty of daylight left to get my first night of work in.

The program I'm using is eight weeks. You run three nights a week. The first week you work 20 minutes (Five minute brisk walk, then alternate jogging for 1 minute, walking for a minute and half until the 20 minutes are up.)

This is a perfect set up for me, because at the moment I was certain I was going to pass out I got to stop running and walk for a bit.

Sometime during the third minute of running I remember thinking, as I gasped for air, "There is absolutely no way I'll ever be able to run a 5K." But then I remembered Phil saying he was proud of me for setting a goal and going after it. So I told myself to push on. And I finished the 20 minutes. (Thanks, Phil!) It was a good start and I felt great afterwards. Then I ate a banana to help prevent cramps.

Lest Ye Forget

2008-03-07T07:02:00.002-05:00

We should probably watch this again. It's still so awesome I can hardly stand it.

Once More The Sith Will Rule The Galaxy

2008-03-07T06:47:00.003-05:00

I'm seriously out of shape and I figured the way to get motivated and get back in shape would be to face a challenge. So beginning Sunday morning I'm starting a training program to get ready to run a 5K race sometime this summer.

The program is perfect for people like me; it's called "From The Couch To 5K." From The Couch isn't terribly accurate because I'm really active during the day at work, but I don't have a lot of stamina when it comes to moving fast. Meaning, of course, when I run I get tired quickly.

Hopefully my cousins are planning to run some 5K's or mile sprints or whatever this summer and will let me know when and where so I can participate as well.

Happy Presidents Day!

2008-02-18T22:18:00.001-05:00

Abraham Lincoln, James Monroe, William Howard Taft, and James K. Polk celebrated by playing a round of golf.

One Man Sho

2008-02-17T14:56:00.003-05:00

Here's an old friend of mine (actually the brother of a friend, but I know him). He's an aspiring entertainer who has done some training with the Second City comedy group. He has about a dozen videos on YouTube (including a bit where he does 200 Impersonations.) See if you can guess the song.

Hangin' With The Snowman; Part Deux

2008-02-07T07:32:00.001-05:00

IMG_0744, originally uploaded by G Bev.

Here are some photos of yesterday's lovely snowstorm in progress. I'll be one happy fool when Spring arrives.

Quotable Knight

2008-02-06T07:26:00.000-05:00

While we're on the subject of basketball I want to mention Bobby Knight. He had a lot of memorable quotes, but I think this is my favorite. I don't remember what he was talking about, but even out of context it's funny.

"I'd like to refer to this whole thing, from beginning to end, as a 'Mickey Mouse operation'...but that would be an insult to Mickey Mouse."

Classic.

Pete Maravich: Reincarnated

2008-02-06T06:34:00.000-05:00

Here's a kid who can probably stop doing his homework now. I don't think he'll have much trouble becoming a millionaire.